Eighteen.

A Walk Down Memory Lane..18

My phone vibrated indicating that I have just recieved a message.

I unlocked it to see what Saad has sent for the millionth time.

"Ha kalamteeha??????"

I started typing..

"Waaay Saad cham marra ts2aal bsmila tawny 6al3a mi---

His call interrupted me.

"Alooo shfeech ma trideen whatsapp?" he asked.

"Bismla enta 3a6aytny majal ar--"

"Enzaiin kalamteeha wela laa?" he asked again.

"Saad shfeek t7in tara kalait gal---"

"Entay laish mata36eeny ejaba mufeeda maby asmi3ich eta7al6main!" he said.

"Hatha yeezay ga3da asawy kil hatha 3ashanik!!"

"Khalas asiif bs awal matkalmeenha goleely o tufka Monya baytheeha," he said before he hung up.

Rawan and I walked into Ashaz and looked for them. As soon as we saw them salamna 3alaihum and I sat next to Lulu.

She wasnt at all as I remembered, or ana ymkin 3abaly ehya wa7da thanya. She was tiny and has long brown hair. Her facial features are cute y3ny she wasn't extremely pretty bs kanat mamloo7a. She has almond shaped eyes and a heart shaped face.

"Waay walla walaht 3alaichh Monya minziman mayeetay lizwara!" Maha said.

"Ana akthaar! Ee walla fashla enshallah ayee lisboo3 elyay!" I said.

We ordered then started chatting. Rawan and Maha were having a side conversation so I faced Lulu,

"Haa Lulu shlon el derasa?" I asked trying to get to know her better.

"Walla el7imdla masheen," she said.

"El7imdla, shnu takha9a9tay?" I asked.

"Marketing, as'haal wa7id haha," she said.

"Ahh malich khlg tadrseen?" I asked with a smile.

"Laa kilishh," she said with a giggle.

"Entay wain tiwathaftay?" she asked.

"Eb sharikat ******," I said.

"Ahh mabrook," she said.

"Allah ybarik feech,"

"Mnu shaaf Vampire Diaries ams kan akher episode!!" Rawan suddenly said.

"Anaa! waaay Damon eyaaninn o Elaina maskeena bt9eer vampire," Lulu said.

"Waay ma6al3aa," Maha said.

"Abaaih nafsy a7iB Damon," I said.

And we started chatting about TVD and all the other shows we watched, meanwhile I texted Saad.

"I talked to her shakilha khosh wa7da allah yaktibha min ni9eebik."

When in reality, something about her bugged me madry madashat galby...

--------

"Allah yaster eb sitraa, laykon bazi3 mithil Nawalo?" Dr. Manar asked.

"Hahaha laa hathy b3daain  tyeech salfat'ha qaweya," I said.

"Arid wagool allah yaster eb sitra!" she said.

"haha,"

"Enzain sawaytay el method elly gtlich 3anna?" she asked.

"Eee sawaiit o yibt shayy ma3ayy," I said.

She had previously asked me to write down whatever that is bothering me or causing me pain. So I took a piece of paper and jotted down anything that happened and caused me stress. Also, she asked me to bring things with me that left sad memories and so I did.

"Okk 3a6eeneyahum," she said.

"Laa shrayech akher el session, aby agoolich shnu elly khalany ayeebhum awal," I said.

"Yalla khosh fikraa," she said.

"Ok so 3ugub hal6al3a marat elayam 3ady o 6b3an Msa3ad kan ydawer ezala 3ashan ezifnyy y3ny zayed elchaila 3ala golat'hum o I was having the worst week ever!"

-----------

Msa3ad barged into my office and threw two flash drives on my desk.

"Shu hathaaail??" he asked in fury.

I just stared at the flash drives.

"Matrdeeen??"

"Umm flash drives elly 6alabt'hum minny!!" I said.

Seriously stop shouting!

"Adryy enhum flash drives!! Bs laish mu katba 3alaihum shay shlon bafareg bainhum ballah??" he asked.

He told me to prepare two presentations each for a different meeting and he asked me to save each one on a different flash drive.

"Umm magitly ena lazim I label them!" I said.

"Ya salaaam o lazimm kilshay agolich etsaweena? y3ny hatha shay mafrooth etsaweena bdoon la agoolich!" he shouted.

Iff if I was so angry and he was driving me crazy all week and I couldnt take it anymore!!

"Msa3ad ya3ny tg--"

"Mashallahhh!! Msa3ad chthyy bdon estaath wala shay entay mnu 3abalich ga3da tkalmeen??"

I raised my voice a little bit,

"Estaath Msa3aaad tgdaar trakib el flash 3al.computer o tshof which one's which and label them your self!!!!" 

He stared at me for a second, shocked.

"Entay shloon etkalmeeny chthy??" he asked, incredulous.

"Ana kalamtik eb kil e7teram 3aksik bithaab6 kil yoom tzifny 3ala shaghla!! Y3ny a thank you would be nice!!"

"Shoofayy entay yaya hnyy tshtaghlaain mo tyaam3een thank you's!! O marra thanyaa matradideeny fahmaa??" he shouted. He was so angry, every vien in his face popped.

"Etha bag3aad anhan eb shighly kil yooom o anzaaf aqadem steqalty a7salyy!!" I shouted.

"Shnuuu?" he asked through clenched teeth. His face was painted in every shade of red.

"Walla enta bs tzif o t9arikh bs mayhimik how you affect people's feelings!!" I said as the tears fell like a river down my cheeks. "Matadry ena ana mahmoma winta yay etzeed elham!!"

I didnt want to stand there crying in fron of him so I grabbed my bag and ran out of the building. I was so sick of him treating me this way and for unknown reasons!!

Later that night I sat in my room crying my eyes out. You know when you feel too depressed to the extent where you actually feel your chest tightening? It was so painfull and unbearable. I cried and I hoped that through my tears the pain would somehow stop.

I cried because everything was wrong! I remembered my mother and how much I love her and miss her and NEED her. I remember that everytime I felt sad or depressed I'd hug her and miraculously my heart would smile again. But now shes gone and I can't hug her even if I begged for it. At that time I grabbed a paper and a pen and started writing. I imagined that if I could send one letter to my mother, what would I write?

Dearest mother,

I miss you. No, actually I miss you doesn't fully describe the pain I feel it hurts so bad and I try to ignore it, but everytime I go to sleep and close my eyes your face is all I see. My tears starts singing me a lullaby, its like I can't sleep without shedding them. I never forgot you not even for one passing second, because you are my heart. I thought that without you I'd die, and I waited for my death because what is life without you in it? Your memory keeps me going, your smile keeps my heart beating. I just wish I can touch you for the last time. I wish I can hug you one last time and I swear I would never let go even if it means they'll have to drag me in the grave with you. I regret every second I disobeyed you or made you cry. I regret every time I let you sleep with a worried heart. I regret every second I didn't remind you that I love you, because I do, I really do. And evem that word is just too little to describe whats in my heart. I still need you in my life, why did you leave me? You left so suddenly without a warning. You promised you'd stay with me and see my children and share your wisdom with them. But I will always pray for you and that you would come back to me one day, my precious mother.

I crumbled up the partially wet paper from all my tears and threw it in my drawer.

"A3otho bilaa min elshay6an" I kept repeating. "Yarab tir7am omy witghamid roo7ha eljana"

I prayed with a shaky voice from all my tears. My eyes started burning and my head was killing me.

I took out my seyada and prayed o ga3adt ad3y 7g umy. I took out my quran and started reading. And just like that a magical feeling swept over me, its like someone poured cool water on my heart. I've been looking for the answer to my sadness and pain and it was here al along. As I read the words of God, my smile grew bigger and I kept repeating,

"الا بذكر الله تطمئن القلوب"؟

Seventeen.

A Walk Down Memory Lane..17

"6aa3 shloon sub7aan mughayer ela7waal!!" Dr. Manar said.

"Eeee 7ady estaghraabt 9aar feeny ya7laaila he has a heart!!!" I said.

"Haha ee wallahh! Zaaain gam yit3adaal el7imdlaa," she said.

"Hmm ee, enzaiin khal agoolich salfaat Saad," I said.

She sat up straight and looked at me eager to hear the story, "goolay golaayy."

-----------

I was home alone sitting in the dark living room watching Cinderella. (Don’t judge me)

My weekend finally started so I decided I'd treat myself to some Japanese food and just have the night to myself.

"Su2aal, entay akeed 3umrich 22??" he asked as he turned on the lights.

"Bismilaaa enta min waain 6ala3t?" I asked.

"Shfeech khtara3tay chinich shayfa yiny!! ana blbait 6ool elwagt," Saad said.

"Haw chiny khabratkum 6al3een,"I said.

"Haha en7arajtay 6ayi7 3alaich etshofeen babay?" he asked.

"Bl3aaks a9laan 3ady o a7ib cinderella fa kaifyy," I said.

"Ok ok ana e9ara7a aby akalmich eb mawthooo3 bs lati6anizaain," he said as he sat next to me. He grabbed the extra chopsticks and started eating.

"Ok gool elly bitgoola bs I dont share food!!!" I said trying to grab the chopsticks from his hand.

"Ya3aamyy zaaain khaleeny akil walla yoo3aan tawny rad min el jam3aa o mu makil shayy," he looked at me with those puppy eyes. Kisar kha6ry, o shd3wa y3ny byismaa3 kalamyy etha gtla la takil.

"Okk -.-," I said.

"Enzain btsm3een salfityy?" he asked.

"Ee yalla gool bs etha suwalif rab3ik tara maly khilg," I said.

"Tadreen shlon entay mu kafu a7ad esolif ma3ach ana bamshyy!" he stood up holding the "essa maki" plate and turned around. "3ad walla esalfaa qaweya 7adha."

AKLYY :')

"Ok ok khalas baasmaa3 bs yeeb elly bedik," I said.

He grinned and sat down again, "Sim3ay y3ny e9ara7a madryy min wain abdyy.y3ny tadreen entay ekhty elwa7eeda o ma3indy a7ad yfhamny kithrichh."

"3shtaaaw shakilha esalfa feeha bnaya," I said with one eyebrow raised.

"E9ara7a eee," he said as his cheeks flushed.

"Yumaaa miniiik gool shsalfitik???" I asked.

"E9ara7a hathy wa7da ma3aay 3ajbatny minzimaan o 7adhaa san3a o akhlaq o qasaman billa magdaar asheelha min balyy!!" he said.

"Etshaawiiig," I said while pinching his cheeks.

"Haaaa 3glay ya bint," he said.

"Ok kaamilll," I said.

"Elmuhim fa 7awalt akalimha ma3a6atny wayyh yakhyy 7araatny madryy shasawyy o mabeeha troo7 min eedy!!" he said.

"Saad khalas etha elbint ma3a6itik wayh lat2atheha ymkin mitzawja wila makh6obaa," I said.

"Laa yuba wain makh6ooba shofayy ehya marat t7asisnyy enha t7bnyy o marat a7is kilish machinha t3arifny yakhy walla entaw el banat madry shlon 9ayreen," he said.

"Hahaha wala entaw elly madry shlon 9ayreen al7een ehya lo 3a6itik wayh chan gitl 3anha khafeefa," I said.

"La wallaa ehy bas khal tiltifit 3alayy! Tukfa goleely shasawy!!" he said.

"Enzain etha 3ala goltik t7is ena ehya t7ibik akeed shes playing hard to get laish matroo7 takh6ibha? ya3ny hathy akher sina lik o atleast bs ekh6ibha al7een," I asked.

"Walla madry elmushkila magdar o9al 7ag ahalha man3arifhum," he said.

"Shisimha??" I asked.

"Lulu AlX," he said.

Hmm, esimha mo ghareeb!

"Walla madryy kalimha Saad golaha ana aby akh6ibich 3a6eeny raqam umichh aw ubooch!!" I said.

"7awalt walla ya Monya bs maradtly khabar!" he said.

"Ok 3ayal khalnyy afakirlik eb 7aal wagoolik," I said.

"Okk mashkoooraa!" he kissed my forehead as he stood up. "Ana baroo7 eduwaneya tamreeny 3ala shay?"

"Salamtikk," I said.

I grabbed my phone and texted Rawan,

"T3arfeen wa7da esimha Lulu AlX?"

I know I heard her name before bs mathker wain o shlon! Im sure Rawan knows her.

Waay eshawiig Saad my baby brother all grown up and in love!

My phone vibrated, "Ee a3arefha! Rfeejat Maha (our cousin) 7aiil."

"Eee ok wana agool shloon a3arefha!"

I remembered marra kina 6al3een ana o my cousin’s o Lulu yat ma3a Maha.

Hmm I just have to find a way to talk to her.

-

The next morning I woke up from my loud ringtone. I checked to see that Nawal was calling.

"Alo," I said in my sleepy voice.

"Alooo 9aba7 elkhaiir!" she chirped.

"Tara mga3datny min enoom," I said, annoyed.

"Ee bagoolich gomayy baye atrayag 3ndikum!! khanig3ad eb 7adeeqatkum," she said.

bathba7haa!

"Gayleenlicch ena 7a6een buffet ryog eb 7adeqatna?" I said.

"Hmm someone’s cranky! Ana bayeeb ma3ay sandwiches yalla lat9ereen di3laa," she said.

"Ok agoluhum ezahbon el 6awla!" I said before I hung up.

I dragged myself out of bed and went to the bathroom. I quickly changed and told the nanny to set up the table outside, make some eggs, and brew some coffee and milk

I waited for Nawal in our garden. Its huge and we have this small building with glass walls 7ad'ha shar7aa.

"Hii," Nawal said as she walked in.

"Ahlaan," I said as I kissed both her cheeks. "abaih sorry tawny astaw3ib khalaitich tyeben el akil afashel."

"Haww 3ady shda3wa mabaaina!!" She said.

I saw my father pass us by akeed bero7 elmasyad since its Friday, he saw us then stopped.

"Esalamu 3alaikum," he said.

"Wa3alaikum esalam," we both replied.

"Shlonich yuba?," he asked Nawal.

"El7imdla bkhaiir," she said.

"Monya ga3daay 9ali7 7ag e9alat yanany mo rathy egom!" he said before he left.

"Digeega baroo7 aga3da," I told Nawal.

"Ok," she said.

I went to 9ali7's room and turned on the lights.

"Yalllaaa goooom!!" I shouted.

"6l3aayy barra," he said in an angry sleepy voice.

"Abaih tara bi6ofik el9alat," I said.

"MONYA," He groaned.

"Kaifiik bs mu tgool b3daiin laish maga3adtoony!" I said as I left his room.

I went back to the garden.

"Ha ga3ad?" she asked.

"La mu rathy ygoom," I said.

"Haw 7awlay feeh," she said.

"7awalt y3ny uhwa ga3id bs lail7een blfrash akeed egom ba3ad shwayy," I said.

We started eating and talking, she started opening up to me and tell me secrets it made me feel happy that I have a new best friend.

I don’t really have a lot of friends other than Rawan and some of my cousins. All the other people are just people I know from jam3a or work. So when Nawal told me these secrets it made me feel loved and accepted. Ok you might think I'm a pathetic loser but its true.

Maybe half the blame falls on me because I don’t normally open up to random people or accept them in my life which is weird!

Anyway, as we chatted 9ali7 came,

"Esalam shlonkum?" he asked.

"El7mdla bkhaiir, enta shakhbarik," Nawal said as she fidgeted in her seat.

"Bkhaiir el7imdlaa,"he said.

"Bismilaa khale9at e9alat?" I asked as I looked at my watch.

"Ashkara ma7asawytaw bilwagt ma3a esuwalif," 9ali7 said.

"Hahah eee," Nawal said.

"Ka fee seyayeed hny," I said as I pointed at a pink basket next to the couch.

"7ayyak mataby titrayag?" Nawal offered.

"La walla al7een baroo7 eshalaih o nitghada hnaak," He said.

"Ee allah y7afthk- kum," she stuttered.

"Umm ameen yalla ma3a esalama," he said as he got into his car to leave.

I looked at Nawal to see her face red as a tomato.

---------

"Waay way hal baze3 bs nagi9 etgoola a7ibik tizawajnyy!!" Dr. Manar said.

"HAHAHA"

"Wallaa min9ijyy mo chthyy yitrazizoon allah yhadaha," she said.

"Haha maskeena matadry shtsawyy!" I said.

"Eee walla 7abeebtyy chan sa3adteeha entay gawamtay soog'ha 3ind 9ali7," she said.

"Haha latkhafeen 3alaiiha," I said.

"Hahah enzaiin ba3ad kamlaayy," she said.

--------

Zaid kept texting me from time to time. I seriously don’t know if I should hate him or feel sorry for him. But there’s one thing that kept me replying to his texts and calls is that there is a big chance I can help him change to the better.

"Enzain laish matyoon eshalaih?" he asked me that night.

"Laish nro7?" I asked.

"Bs ya3ny mawalahtay 3al ba7ar o ajwa2 ilshalaih?" he asked.

"Hmm la e9ara7a karaht eshalaihat 3gub ... you know," I said.

"Ee walla asif 7ady 7maar, bs abashrichh 9arlyy sbo3 mu sharib shay o ga3ed a7awel aroo7 el masyad 7ag kil 9alat," he said.

"Ashwaa allah ytamim 3alaik yarab," I said. It honestly made me genuinely happy.

"Ameen! Enzain btro7een zwara bacher?" he asked.

"Madryy," since my mother died I didn’t go to a single zwara all I did was visit my grandfather on weekdays.

"Ta3alay khanshoofich o khalaty ys2loon 3anichh!" He said.

"Enshallah ashoof," I said.

"Enzain Monya bas2ilich su2al bs lat3a9been 3ashany," he said.

"Hmm shnu?" I asked.

"Ya3ny entay al7eenn ya3ny mirtab6a y3ny fe a7ad eb 7ayatich?" he asked nervously.

"Haw sh'halsu2aaal!! 6ab3an laa!" I said.

"Tara 3adyy u can tell me anything!" he said.

"Zaiid bedaina bl 7arakat el ma9kha gitlik laa ya3ny bagi9 3alaik?" I said, frustrated.

"Laa bs as2al khalas asif," he said.

"Yalla bye lazim aroo7," I said before I hung up.

After a while he sent me a message,

"3ashany lat3a9been o ensay eny sa2altich hal su2al."

I read and ignored.

Saturday was really boring; all I did was make plans with Maha o 7awalt adakhil Lulu bl mawthoo3.

"Ee yom el athnain ana o Rawan bn6la3 ta3alay minziman 3anich!" I said.

"Ee wallaa walaht 3alaikuum, enshallah taam!" Maha said.

"Khooshh o golay 7ag Lulu tyee khanit3araf 3alaiha akthar haha," I said.

"Hahah enshallahh agolahaa!!" She said.

6ab3an Rawan matadry enna ebni6laa3 o bkaify qarart haha. :)

On Sunday it was a typical boring day of work. I spent some time at Nawal's office drinking coffee and chatting until she received a call.

"Hala estath Msa3ad," she said gulping nervously. "Umm ee ehya 3ndy ... okk bye."

She closed the phone and stared at me,

"Msa3aad yabeechhh,"

"Shyaby?" I said eb kil burod, 3ugub yom elkhamees I wasn’t afraid of him anymore.

"Madryy bs ro7eela "its urgent"," she quoted.

"Okk!" I said.

Hatha kilshay 3nda urgent iff!

I went into his office,

"Esalam," I said as I entered.

"Hala," he said as he looked through some papers on his desk.

I waited for him to say something.

Anything.

"Entay 3ndich maktab 9a7?" he asked still not looking at me.

"Umm ee.." I said.

"7luu, dam 3indich maktaab shaku 6al3aa minaa o ga3da eb makatib enas?" he asked finally looking at me.

"Uhh.."

"Tara entayy mo ga3da eb cafe 3ashan tsolfeen ma3a rab3ich, entay yaya tshtaghlaain!" he said in an angry tone.

"Ok al7een barid el maktab," I said.

"Yalla o maby ashoofich t7oosen wayed blsharikaa!" he ordered.

I gave him one long look before I left.

I guess some people never change. :)

****Hello people tara I might not post in a while lana basafer. Bs I will try to post whenever I have the time, I don't promise though. 

Anyway, 3eedkum mbarak muqadamann;**