Twenty.

A Walk Down Memory Lane..20

I don’t know why I felt a weight land on my heart after my conversation with Zaid.

Is it because I have a strong feeling that what I'm doing with him is wrong? But why is it wrong? I’m only trying to help him become a better person..... aren’t I?

Then why do I feel like my heart grins whenever he says my name? Why did I feel like I’m a fluttering butterfly when he said 'yal ghalya'? Why do I always find a smile plastered on my face when I’m done talking to him? Why am I even still thinking about him??

I was over thinking this and it’s causing me a ridiculous headache. I’m not sure if I’m falling for him while instead saying that I’m only trying to help him as an excuse so I don't feel bad. God this is hard!!!

I decided to call Rawan and tell her about what’s happening between Zaid and I since she doesn’t have a clue. I don’t know, I needed a second opinion.

Midway through the conversation..

"Ee o hathyy kil esalfaa.." I told her everything.

She stayed quiet; all I hear is her breathing.

"Haww wainich??" I asked, instantly regretting telling her. I'm sure she has a whole lot of assumptions and judgments to throw at me!

"Mawjooda," she said.

"Ok aby ta3leeqich 3al mawtho3 shfeech sikatay?" I asked.

"La bs ga3da afaker shloon agolich elly eb baly bdon ma tz3leen," she said.

Yup, let the judgment begin. :)

"Golay ana abech ta36eeny rayechh," I said, when in reality, I kinda dont want to hear it now.

"Hmm shofay y3ny entayy laish matoobeen? He lied to you and betrayed you and USED you!! wintayy lail7enn tkalmeeena??" she said.

I stayed quiet.

"Shofay this is just another game ga3d yl3aab 3alaich y3ny shafiich vulnerable o bsr3a yinga9 3alaich gal yalla khal agazerha 3alaiha mara thanyaa!!" she continued.

Mashkoora, eye minich akthaar. :)

"Y3ny entay tabeeny akon 9aree7a ma3ach o majamlich fa ana agol sakray baba o 7gree o malich shighil fe he's a player o bethil 6oool 3umra player!!" she said.

Aha.

"Haw shfeech sakta, mata7achaain???" she said.

"Asm3ich," I said.

"Shofay Monya ana agolich hal kalam 3ashan ma9la7tich, ya tg63een 3elaqtich ma3a, ya we're no longer friends. Wallah its hard for me bs hatha kila 7g ma9la7tich!" she instructed.

My mouth formed a big "O" as I heard the ultimatum she just gave me. I can’t even

...

"Wetha ma hadaita? Khalas tinhidim 3elaqatna?" I asked.

"Kila 3ashan ma9la7tich Monya walla 6e3eenyy!!" she said.

"Ok bye!" I said before I quickly hung up.

Ok look, its one thing to try to help a friend out when you think they're going down the wrong path. You'd give them advice; you'd try to talk to them but you don’t just slam all the doors shut in front of their face if they didn't do what you ask. Especially if you just want their advice and not their orders.

I looked at Rawan's name on my screen as slowly my vision began to blur.

If it was a few months back, I would have shouted and screamed, "why do bad things always happen to me? WHY ME?" but now I can say that I know better. Adry enna kila elly e9eer kheera o kil shay allah katba ly uhwa elly fee khair ly, 7ata lo ana madry shnu uhwa el khaiir bl mawthoo3.

I placed my head back on the pillow and wept silently while repeating, El7imdla 3ala kil 7al, in my heart.

-------

"Amma hal Rawan qissa broo7!! Laish di3laa chthy laish??" Dr. Manar asked.

"Madryy wallaaa," I said.

"Enzain ana fahma enna ehya khayfa 3alaich o tabeelich el khair bs mu eb hal 6areeqa ehya ymkin khanha elta3beer," she said.

"Yimkin! Bs ehya maradat dagat 3alay wala ana kalamt'ha!!" I said.

"Ee elmafrooth enha edig tit2asaf bs madry 3anhum banat hal yomain maygeen," she said.

"Haha eee, bs ana ga3adt afaker gilt al7een ana shaku daga 3alaiha asasan!! Mafadtnyy bs zadat elhaam! Gilt astkheer abraklyy o ad3y enna allah ybaynly shnu a7san 7al asawy!!" I said.

"Ee walla zain etsaween!! Sa3at egoolich mo zain tgoolen 7g rab3ich 3an kil kbeera wi9gheera!! Lana sometimes they don’t understand what you did and what you’ve been through so they start judging you and this is when the relationship slowly falls apart," she said.

"9aa7, lana lazim yn7a6oon eb nafs el mawqif 3ashan yfhom ana shnu marra feeh, o 7asait enna elwa7eed elly ygdar esa3idny uhwa raby!!" I said.

"3afya 3alaichh," she said with a wink.

"Elmuhimm kamlayy sh9aar 3ugub??" she asked.

------------

I prayed before going to bed, asking God to guide my way and help me with my choices. Sometimes, when you have a problem, its better to turn to someone who knows the answer to everything, instead of a human who only looks at your problem from one point of view.

Anyway, I was eating breakfast the next morning with dad and 9ali7 before going to work. My ringtone cut through the silence, it was Nawal calling me.

"Alo hala Nawal," I said.

"Esalamu 3alaikum 7abeebty ana Fozeya um Nawal," she said.

"Ya halaa khaltyy shlonich? 3asa ma shar??" I asked.

"El7imdla bkhaiir! la mashar bs Nawal shwayy t3abat ams o sad7eenha bl mustashfa," she said.

"Weee laish shfeeha???" I said dropping the spoon and sitting up straight. I noticed 9ali7 did the same thing while looking at me.

"Egoloon feeha nazlaa me3aweya o madry shnu walla khbu9aw rasy hal a6eba kilwa7id egoly kilma!" she said.

"Wee 7abeebtyy allah ygawimha bisalama enshallah! Enzain ehya eb ay mustashfaa??" I asked.

"E7na al7een bil mowasat, tgdreen tyeen?" she asked.

"Eee akeed al7een ayee enshallah," I said as I got up and grabbed my bag.

"Khoosh matga9reen 7abeebty ma3a esalama," she said before she hung up.

I turned around to leave.

"La7tha la7thaa shisalfa mnu bl mostashfaa?" 9ali7 asked as he got up.

"Nawal," I said.

"Laa, 3asa ma shar?" My father asked.

"Madry egolon nazla m3aweya," I said.

"Yalla matshof shar enshallah salmay 3alaihum," my father said looking back at the opened news paper in his hand.

"Enshalla yo9al," I said and turned around.

"La7tha la7tha," 9ali7 whispered as he walked beside me.

"Haw shfeek," I said.

"Al7een sad7eenha 3ashan feha nazla? akeed y3ny mu shay thany?" he asked

"La hatha elly galeta khalty," I said.

"Enzain laish mu ehya elly mkalmitich? y3ny lihaldaraja wayed ta3bana?" he asked.

"Madryy walla 9ali7 al7een aroo7 o ashoof," I said as I opened my car's door.

"Enzain shrayech ana awa9lech?" he said.

Ok, this is getting suspicious.

"Haw laishh?" I asked.

"Ha? madry y3ny ymkin matsogeen 3adel min lim7atat a7san etha ana wa9altich," he stuttered.

LOL.

Akhaly ewa9lny? kisaar kha6ry walla. A7is uhwa elly maygdar esoog min lim7atat mo ana.

"Umm yalla ok," I said as I followed him to his car.

"Ehya y3ny bil 3enaya wela bghurfa 3adeya?" 9ali7 asked as we hit the road.

"Laa ghurfa 3adeya, shfeek tara elbint mafeha shay enshallah," I said.

"Ee bs khift t7ateenha," he said.

Eshawig. :'(

"Aahh, 9ali7 be honest with me, laish kil hal as2ela?" I asked.

He moved his gaze from the road to me, and then back to the road again.

"Shqa9dich y3ny?" He asked.

"Ma aq9id shay bs aby a3aref y3ny a7isik wayed mihtam blmawthoo3," I said.

"Shako bs y3ny rfejtich o gilt as2al 3anha 7aram?" He said, too defensive.

"Haw laa bs awal marra yama rab3y 6a7aw bl mustashfa o masa2alt," I said.

Adry 7ady nishba bas abyy y3trf!!

"Lana Nawal elwa7eeda elly 3araft'ha o solaft ma3aha, madry bs elmuhim nizlay la a36eech finger," he said as soon as we arrived at the hospital.

"Hahaha mara7 tanzil?" I asked.

"O laish anzil, 3ashan tsaweely estjwaab thany?" He asked.

"Haha laa bs mnu yrdny ballah??" I asked.

"Laih khala9tay ana aye akhthich!" He said.

"Bas ana mara7 a6awel! O ba3dain baroo7 eldawam," I said.

"Ok ok banzil," he said.

So we made our way to Nawal's room. I found her mother talking on the phone outside so she gestured for me to enter the room and so I did. I found Nawal sleeping, her face pale with black circles under her eyes. She broke my heart!! I sat there for a couple of minutes looking at her, I took out my phone and started going through twitter and instagram waiting for her to wake up. After a while, I looked at the time to find it 9:05 and she was still sleeping. I decided I'd go to work and when I'm done I'd come back here.

I left the depressing hospital room to find Khalty Fozeya and 9ali7 chatting.

"Ee walla akher marra r7t sikanna eb hotel eb ni9 el center bil duomo kan kha6eer kilshay yamma!!" 9ali7 said.

"Et9adig ana gilt 7ag Fahad 3an hal otel lana gayleely 3anna bs egoly maku o maligait o min hal a3thar tlagy mit3ayez edawer," she said.

"Haha khala9 etha tabeen ana a7jizlich wala yhimich," he offered.

"Ok bainy o bainik telephone," she said.

La7tha la7tha ya jima3a shisalfaa??:o

"Nawal al7een nayma, fa gilt aroo7 edawam o arid ayeelaha tkon ga3da enshallah," I said, interrupting them.

"Khalaas ok na6reenich," khalty Fozeya said as she entered the room.

I looked at 9ali7 with my eyes screaming, "You have some explaining to do!!!!"

He just looked at me then shrugged and continued walking to the car. After I got into the car and strapped on the seat belt I asked,

"9ali7, shnu 9ar tawa?"

"Agi6ich dawamich 3adil?" he asked totally ignoring my question.

"Ee, ok rid 3alayyy," I insisted.

"Entay shfeech et7neen min e9ub7?" He asked.

"Mu ga3da a7in bs ta9arufatik ghareeba o aby a3aref shisalfa!!" I said.

"Maku salfa," he said.

"Enzain o sh9ar bainik o bain khalty Fozeya?" I asked.

"Maku, bs s2alatny 3an otel eb milan fa glt asa3dha," he said as if it was normal for him to help Nawal's mother.

"Ahaa mashallah 3alaik manzalat 3alaik el6eeba ella al7een," I mocked.

"Agoool tara anazlich al7een!!" He threatened.

I decided to shut up and not nag about this weird morning. He dropped me off and I went up to my office.

I sat down, confused, al7een aqadem steqalty again wela laa? I lowered my head and massaged my forehead with my fingers when the office phone rang.

"Aloo," I said.

"Hello, Ms. Monya, Mr. Msaaad wants you in his office now," his secretary said.

"Ok thank you," I said before I hung up.

Allah yasterr ashkara banzaaf!!

I knocked on the door.

"Tefathal," I heard from the other end of the door.

Wayyy ya3ny thigeel, e7irr!

I entered the room and stood in front of his desk with my head down.

"Tara esalam lallah," he said with a hint of a smile.

Excuse me while I laugh, ha.

"Esalamu 3alaikum," I said.

"Tfathilay g3day," he said.

I sat down.

"Mit2akhra elyoom?" he noted.

"Ee Nawal AlX blmstashfa fa zirt'ha gabel la aye," I said.

Banzaaaf banzaaff :l

"Ahh, matshoof shar enshallah," he said.

What? thats it?

"Umm eshar mayeek," I said, shocked.

"Ok hach 2 folders fehum el awrag eshtaghlay 3alaihum elyoom, wela wayed 3alaich 2 folders?" he asked.

I just stood there staring at him, abaih shagol ga3ed ytghashmar wela min9ija??:O

"Shfeech??" he asked.

"Madryy?" I said, I was astonished. Ma3arfta wuhwa 6ayeb!!

"Tabeen tshtaghlain 3ala folder wa7id wela athnain?" he asked again, slowly as if I didn’t understand him the first time.

My chin began to wobble, don’t ask me why but I felt a lump form in my throat and the tears threaten to fall.

"La7tha laa latabcheen! Tara min9ijyy shfeech mikhtar3aa?" he asked while getting up from his chair and sitting in the chair next to mine.

"L-la mu mkhtar3a," I said as I tried so hard to fight back the tears.

"Entay mo glteely enich mo mrta7a hny min mu3amalty?" he whispered.

I just nodded.

"Ee ga3d a7awel aghayer el mu3amala wallah, ya3ny madry etha thayagtich tawa bs mu qasdy!" he said.

"La mathayagtny bl 3aks mashkor matga9er," I said.

"7ayyach allah yalla ro7ay ghaslay wayhich o shrbeelich gahwa o eshtaghlay," he said with a grin.

:O

awal marra ashofa yth7ak.

:O

"Okk mashkoor Estath Msa3ad," I said as I got up. My heart was beating so fast it hurt.

"Mabainaa, nadeeny Msa3ad bala estath bala kharabe6," he said with a chuckle.