Twenty-nine.

A Walk Down Memory Lane..29

The look I gave Lulu made her quietly turn around and leave the room because she knows if she stays here any longer, sh*ts going to get real.

I turned to my dad, "Yuba 3ashany enta lazim etfakir feeny gabl la tqarir."

"Ana adawer ma9la7tich," he said.

"Wain elma9laa7a blmawthooo3??" I asked.

"Bas Monya lat3awreen rasyy ana o Lulu tiklamna blmawthoo3 o etakhthna elqarar," he said.

Oh no she didn’t.

"Enta o LULU??" I shouted.

"Ee!!" my dad replied defensively.

"Ehyaaa shaku takhith rayhaa??? Yahil a9ghaar minny o tsmaa3 kalamhaa???" I said.

"E7tarmaay nafsich, hathy 7isbat umich!" my dad said.

I wanted to answer but suddenly everything around me paused, including me. All I felt was my pounding heart and the blood rushing to my head. I stared at my dad with wide eyes, trying to un-hear what he just said.

How could he?

"Umyy ma7shooomaa enik etshabiha eb hal ashkaal!" I said through gritted teeth.

He looked at me, and then looked at the ground. Obviously he regretted saying that.

"Ma7aad, lo titzawaj el7areem elly bldinya kilihum wala wa7da tgool 3anha 7sbat umy allah yer7amha. Enta a9laan may9eer etekalam 3an umy! B3t'haa brkhees o khathaait hal bazi3 elly mataby ghair floosik! 6araadt 3yaalik 3ashanha!! Bthimitik umy tstahil kil elly sawaita?? E7naa 3yaaalik elly min la7mik o damik tbee3naa o eb kil suhula??" I shouted between my sobs.

"Ana bakalim yadyy o batzawaj Msa3ad, 3al aqal fee a7ad lail7een y7ibny o yaby ma9laa7ty 3aksik!!" I said before I power walked to my car.

I know I was totally rude, and that’s no way to talk to my father but he was getting on my last nerve! Especially when he mentioned my mom and what he said, I really can’t hear that and not say anything!

As soon as I arrived at my grandpa’s house I called 9ali7.

I told him everything that happened between my dad and I.

“fa umm yeah bakalim yady o etha wafaq I’ll get married,” I said.

“Walla ya Monya madry shagolich!” 9ali7 said.

“Gooly tam! 9ali7 uboy khalas he doesn’t care about me!! O hathy Lulu farra rasa fa hatha a7saan 7al!!” I said.

“Khalas enshallah ana ba3ad shway akalim yadyy o ashof shegool, bs entay latkalmeena!!” he warned.

“Ok,” I said before I hung up.

I leaned on my bed’s headboard and hugged my pillow as I drifted off into space. How did it all get to this point? How can a person become so miserable? I try to hide the pain, but it keeps getting magnified to a point that everything I touch shrivels up into dreariness. I try to be positive; I try to look at the bright side of things… but what if there is no bright side? Sometimes I think I might be making a big deal out of things but anyone would do the same thing when all the doors just slam shut right in their face. The only thing that gets me going is God’s words, “Ena ma3a el3usry yusra.”

As my room’s door opened, it brought me back to my glum reality. I hadn’t realized the river of tears flowing down both my cheeks. I quickly grabbed a tissue to wipe them off.

“Shfeech 7abeebty tabcheen?” my grandpa asked.

He doesn’t know about Msa3ad’s situation.

“M-mafeny shay,” I said.

“Kil hal dmoo3 o mafeech shay?” he said as he sat down on the foot of my bed.

“Walaht 3ala umyy,” I said as I started tearing up again. Honestly, everything made me sad.

“Kilna walhaneen 3ala umich ya bnaytyy, bs ehy al7een 3ind elra7eem o kilina bnamshy eb nafs hal 6reej,” he said as he got closer.

He placed his hand around my shoulder and I rested my head on his chest and cried.

“Mo zain tabcheen, umich t7taaj el du3aa2, goleely shnu elly mthaygich ana shayfich hal cham yoom mo 3ala ba3thich,” he said.

“Madry baba kilshayy,” I said.

“Hmm akeed ubooch la eed eb hal salfa,” he said.

I just nodded. I wanted to tell my grandpa the truth but I’m not sure of how he’ll react. Also, 9ali7 warned me not to.

“Shsawa? Tezawaj wa7da thanya?” he chuckled.

“Laaa bs wayed mitghayer 3alaina! Madry shloon ebaady elghareeba 3ala 3yalaa!! Yikraahny!” I said as I started sobbing again.

“Affaa wana ubooch shlon tgoleen ena ykrihich? Mahma ysawyy ethil ebooch wintay et’thleen binta elwa7eeda e7ibich akthar shay eb hal dinyaa!!” he said, trying to comfort me.

“La 9adignyy laa kil ma kalamtaa yab 6aryy murta o 9ayer ysmaa3 kalamha eb kilshay!!” I complained.

“Uboch rayal kbeer o y7taj wa7da ma3a t3eena, o uhwa masawa shay ghala6 hathy murta o labud enna ykoon laha raay!” he said.

“Ka enta matizawajt wa7da thanya 3ugub yadity allah yer7amha! O walla ana mo thid fikrat enna uhwa rayyal o y7igla ytzawaj, bs may9eer ehid el7areem elly bildeera kilhum o ytzawaj wa7da kanat rfeejty o A9GHAAR minyy!!” I said.

“Hathy kitbat rabbich Monya o khalas manigdar ensawyy shay al7een,” he said.

“Adryy…”

“Bs entay latit’thayigaain 3ala hal salfa ya bnaytyy khalas elly 9ar 9ar o entay lazim et3eeshen 7ayatych 6abe3eya latkhaleen kilshay e2ather 3alaich,” he said.

Ughhh I reallllyy want to tell him!!

“Baba, aby agolik shay ok?” I said, facing him.

“Akeed ee! Ana 9arly mudda aby a3aref shfeech!” he said.

“Ana e9ara7a mu mit’thayga 3ala zawaj uboyy kither ma ana mit’thayga 3alla elly sawa elyoom!!” I told him.

“Shsawaa?” he asked.

“E9ara7a gabel cham sboo3 wa7id esma Msa3ad alX ma3ay bldawam kalam uboyy ena yaby yakh6ibny! O yady walla uhwa khosh wa7id o mudeer qisimna o mayinrad!! Bs uboy faj2a gala enna ma3indy banat lizawaj o gam 3anna!!! Walla ta9arufata ghareeeba!” I said, taking a deep breath after I let it all out.

My grandpa looked at me, I hated the fact that I don’t know what he’s thinking. Is he angry with me?

“Akeed uboch sam3 3ana shay..” he finally said.

“Laa a9lan may3arfa! O 9ali7 yadry o y3arfa o ygool ena uhwa khosh wa7id. O kalam uboy o ham maritha!!” I said.

“Walla madry shagoolich!” he said.

“Umm ana r7tla elyoom aklma. Glt ymkin aksir kha6ra o yertha! Bs g6ee3a Lulu farra rasa o mu9er enny matzawaj Msa3ad! O lama gtla enny aby aklma bro7y galy laa qa9ib Lulu tg3ad ma3ana,” I said as I teared up again.

My grandpa took a deep breath then shook his head, obviously disappointed in my father.

“O tadry shnu elly 3awar galbyy akthar? Enna lama Lulu qalat adabhaa o yeet barid 3alaihaa zafny o galyy e7tarmay nafsich hathy 7isbat umich! Ya3ny shloon egool hal kalam!! Shloon eyeeb 6ary umyy ma3a 6ary hal bazi3!” I said breaking down into sobs.

Ok, maybe I was crying way too much but I really needed to touch my grandpa’s heart.

“Khalas Monya 7abeebtyy latabcheen,” he said as he hugged me.

“Baba please kalmaa!! Enta elwa7eed elly tgdar taqni3a!!” I begged.

“Y3ny entay mu9ira 3ala hal Msa3ad?” he asked.

“Baba ana shtaghalt ma3a o masima3t 3anna ella kil khair mashof enna fe sabab ekhaleeny arfitha!” I said.

“Khalas lat7ateen ana enshalla bacher aroo7 akalim ubooch o wala y9eer kha6rich ella 6ayeb! Bs al7een abeech tms7een dmo3ich tara ghaleeen! O ta3alay ta3ashay ma3ay bil9ala,” he said as he kissed my forehead.

I have the best grandpa in the whole wide world!!!! <3<3<3

**Hellooo! I just wanted to say that I really LOVEEE reading your comments!! thank youu so much for making my day <3 Also, chapter 30 will be the last post in this story and the LAST POST ILL EVER PUBLISH!! Sad, I know. Haha! Anyway I hope you enjoyed ;***

Twenty-eight.

A Walk Down Memory Lane..28

"Ya 7ilwa Msa3ad wayed kubar eb 3ainyy," Dr. Manar said.

"Ee eyaninn," I said.

"3ad kalam uboch?" she asked.

"Ee bs 3ugub 6al3at elroo7," I said.

"Laishh shsaar?"

--------

The hot breeze prickled his neck as he pulled his hair back and straightened his ghitra. He pulled a crumpled tissue from his pocket and wiped the sweat beads from his forehead. Meanwhile, he rang the doorbell. 

The seconds seemed so long he could barely stand on his feet. He took a deep breath trying to calm his pounding heart down. He flexed his hands trying to release some of the stress, but he failed miserably.

“Can I help you?” the nanny, asked.

“Umm, yes, is Mr. AlX here?” Msa3ad asked.

“Yes come inside I will call him,” she replied.

The nanny opened the door for Msa3ad and showed him to the living room. His feet barely walked him to the room where he plopped on one of the ivory colored couches.  He tried to straighten the creases on his dishdasha, rehearsing the words he memorized to tell my father. Msa3ad looked around the huge room he was in, from the floor to ceiling windows to the perfectly waxed wooden floors. Behind the transparent glass was a small garden with a huge swing in the middle. The grass looked pale from the burning sunrays and flowers were mostly shriveled up.

“Esalamu 3alaikum,” my father greeted as he walked into the room.

Msa3ad stood up and shook my father’s hand.

“Hala 3amy shlonik, ma3ak Msa3ad AlX,"

“Bkhaiir el7imdilaa, ent shakhbarik?” my father looked at him, clueless.

A few seconds’ later, 9ali7 walked in with his hand stretched.

"Halla walla Msa3ad, shlonik?" he asked as he shook Msa3ads hand.

"Bkhaiir ent shakhbarik," Msa3ad asked.

"Walla tamam, tefthaal," 9ali7 said as he pointed to the couch.

My father looked at Msa3ad intently, waiting patiently for what he has to say.

Msa3ad felt my father's burning gaze and that made him sweat even more.

“E7m, 3amy ana e7m yay a6lub minik shaghla..” Msa3ad stuttered.

“Uhh, e3thrny bas ma3arftik,” my father said, still not sure who Msa3ad was and what he wanted.

"Ana ashtghl eb sharikat AlX ma3a Monya," Msa3ad said.

"Ahh, 3asa ma shar? Monya feha shay?" my father asked.

Msa3ad's heartbeats accelerated. This is it; this is the moment he was waiting for. He rehearsed the words in his head a million times before coming here and now they’re all forgotten. Msa3ad fidgeted in his seat trying to quickly find the perfect way to say what’s on his mind. He had one chance, and he couldn’t blow it. 

“Shfeek matit7acha?” my father urged.

"Ana e9ara7a yay a6lib eed bintik," Msa3ad said.

The look on my father's hand sent chills down Msa3ad's spine. My father furrowed his eyebrows and looked at 9ali7 in confusion.

"Eee.." my father breathed as he looked down at his lap.

"Ana 9arly 5 sneen ashtghl eb sharikat uboy o 3amamy, ya3ny mkawin nafsy o agdar a9rif 3ala bait o adeer baky 3ala Monya,” Msa3ad said, suddenly gaining more confidence.

“Ha yuba nis2al Monya, blakeer el ray rayha,” 9ali7 said.

My dad narrowed his eyes at 9ali7.

“Wain elwalid?” my father asked.

“Msafer,” Msa3ad said.

“Mhmm.. 3al3omom ana ma3indy banat lilzawaj,” My father said as he got up.

“Shnu?” Msa3ad and 9ali7 asked at the same time.

My father walked out of the room ignoring the two shocked men. 9ali7 shot up and straightened his ghitra.

“Sami7ny Msa3ad, bs uboy mo 3ala ba3tha hal yomain,” 9ali7 said apologetically.

“9ali7 tukfa shoofly 7aal,” Msa3ad said.

“Ebshir, ana elyoom akalma warid lik khabar bacher enshallah,” 9ali7 said as he lead Msa3ad to the door.

I got out of my hiding place behind the room’s back door. I was so frustrated with my dad.

“9ali7!” I said through clenched teeth.

“Ha entay hny?” 9ali7 asked.

“Eee!! 9ali7 uboy shqa9daa!!!” I asked, irritated.

“Ma3alaich Monya ana akalmaa,” 9ali7 said.

“Eee please..”  I said as a tear ran down my cheek.

“Khalas lat’thaygeen khlgich o rday bait yadyy ana atfaham ma3a uboy,” 9ali7 reassured me.

“Ok,” I said before I left the house.

I’m going to let 9ali7 handle this one for me, because if I talked to my dad I’m going to say things that I will most likely regret later in life.

I went back to my room at my grandpa’s house and buried myself under my covers. Just when you think life couldn’t get any worse, BAM, it slaps you in the face with a problem so much worse. The only thing that’s helping me through this are God’s words, “Wa bashir al9abereen.”

--------

Dr. Manar looked at me with pity in her eyes. She felt sorry for me, and I really don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me!

“Ya- ya3ny ma tizawajtaw?” she asked in a croaked voice.

“Uboy safar ma3a s7aila, ra7aw London thany youm 3ala 6ool 7ata 9ali7 mamda ekalim uboy!” I said.

“La 7awla wala quwata ella bila!” Dr. Manar said.

“Ee wallla, 6ab3an Msa3ad kan m3a9ib. ana khift ena ykrahny ebsibat uboy…” I said.

“Eee walla malooma, elrayyal may7ib yindigir o y7is ena uhwa mayiswa,” she said.

“9a7 kalamich, kalamt Msa3ad bldawam thany youm,”

-------

I made my way to Msa3ad’s office as my heartbeats accelerated with every step. I’m sure he doesn’t want to see me right now, after what my father did.

I knocked on the door to hear him say, “tefathal.”

I walked into his office with my head bent.

“Esalamu 3alaikum,” I said.

“Wa3alaykum elsalam, hala walla,” Msa3ad said as he got out of his chair.

Seems like he’s in a good mood.

“Shlonik?” I asked as I sat down on the couch.

“Bkhaiiiir damich ma3aayy,” he said as he sat next to me.

“3assaaa,” I said with a smile.

“Allah laya7rminy minnik o min 7alak o min dalalik, matmanna ghair shofik tibtisim mirta7 balik,” he sang into my ear.

All shades of red danced on my cheeks as I lowered my head.

“Monya, shloon ubooch elyom?” he asked.

“Uhh zain, msafer,” I said in disgust.

I reallllly didn’t want to hate my dad, but everything he’s doing is pointing me to that direction.

“La wallaa!!” Msa3ad said, shocked.

“Ee..”

“Enzain 9ali7 magalich shay?” he asked.

“La..” I said.

“SHofay ana makint aby agolich elly 9ar ams lana tiwaqa3t el mas2ala eb tin7al bs shakilha m6awla,” Msa3ad said as he played with his hands.

“SH9ar?” I asked as if I didn’t know exactly what happened.

Msa3ad doesn’t know that I was at the house when he talked to my dad so he thinks I don’t know what happened.

“Shofay latz3leen Monya elly allah katba enshalla be9eer bs ams ethahir ubooch makan mooda zain o kalamta o 7amag o mesha,” he said.

“Abaihh Msa3ad walla 7ady miftashla min elly 9ar!! Tara walla uboyy makan chthy bs min tizawag hatheech o uhwa mi3tifis!!” I said as a lump formed in my throat.

“3adyy Monya walla ana mitfahim enshallah allah ysakhra lina o yrtha!!” he said.

“Ameeen. Y3ny wala I don’t understand him. Ya6ridna min el bait lana el anesa Lulu matabeena bs kilyoom edig 3alaina o bain kil cham yoom emurna bait yady! A7isa shway mit7asif 3ala elly saw abs ham mistanis,” I said as my vision blurred from the tears.

“7abeebty latabcheenn, azma wit3ady enshallah,” he said as he placed his thumb under my eye to wipe the tears.

I moved away from him and got up.

“Enshallah,” I said before I left the room.

The days passed so slowly as I waited for my dad to come back to Kuwait. I didn’t lose hope yet; I knew that if I talked to my dad he would come around.

I spent most of my days praying that God would make this work because he’s the only one who can. Da3ait enna allah ysakhirlina uboy o enna ytamim zawajna 3ala khair.

Finally, Friday came and my dad arrived as well. At about 8 pm I went to my dad’s house. Yup, now we call it DAD’S house instead of OUR house. :’(

 

I entered to find om elsa3af o el leef aka Lulu sitting in the living room flipping through a magazine.

I walked past her to my father’s room.

“La7tha la7tha wain ray7a?” she asked.

I ignored and walked into the room to find my dad sitting on his bed.

“Esalamu 3alaikum,” I said as I walked over to him and kissed his forehead.

“Wa3alaikum el salam, ha shyaybich hny?” he asked.

“Aby akalmik eb mawthoo3,” I said.

“Entay laish matrdeen 3alay lama akalmich ha?” Lulu asked.

“Bs please bainy o bainik mala da3y hathy tisma3,” I said.

“HATHY 3INDAHA ISIM,” Lulu shouted.

“Lulu la7tha! Monya ayshay btgoleena ehya ebtsma3a,” he said.

“Enzain,” I said with flared nostrils. “Galy 9ali7 3an thak elyoom lama yalik Msa3ad,” I said.

“Shilma6loob?” he asked.

“Yuba laish refathta? 7ata ma3a6aita fur9a!!” I said.

“Bas uboch e3aref ma9la7tich mala da3yy tg3deen t7aqeqeen ma3a!” Lulu said.

I swear if she doesn’t shut up right now I WILL kill her.

“Bs tanaqashna ana o Lulu o 7asaina enna maynasibna Msa3ad,” he said.

Please, someone please tell me this is a joke.

I stayed quiet for a second.

“Yuba, laish tkrahny?” I asked. My voice started slowly breaking up as the lump in my throat grew bigger.

“Sh’hal su2al?” he replied.

“Ana shsawaaait 3ashan tsawy feeny kil hatha?” I asked as the tears slowly slipped down my cheeks.

“Waay latg3deeen etsaween aflaam,” Lulu said.

I looked at her with fury dancing in my eyes like frames.

-- To be continued--

**Heyy adry wayed 6awalt bs I'm trying my best lana ma3indy wagt o ham I'm having writers block enna madry shnu aktib!!  Bear with me there's only two posts left :D Hope you enjoyed and tell me what you think. Xx

Important note.

Hello beauties <3 I just wanted to say enna I really loovee your comments! O shlon tshtq6on o t3a9bon loool, keep'em coming ;)! Also, adry minziman I didnt post bs lana 3ndy 2 midterms next week fa please bear with me! I will TRY posting next week bs no promises.

Love,
Maggie.

Twenty-seven.

A Walk Down Memory Lane..27

I wasn't able to speak. All that came out of my mouth were whimpers from all the crying. I sealed my eyes shut hoping that if I opened them, all this would be just a dream. Unfortunately, I opened my eyes to see their shocked faces.

I grabbed the pillows on the couch and squeezed them hard while crying my eyes out. I was enraged, sad, shocked, and all these are just understatements to how I really feel. My vision was blurry from all the tears.

"Shfeech Monya?" Lulu asked.

I looked at her with wide eyes. How could she? How?

She walked up to me and placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Laish za3lana?" she asked.

I pushed her hands away like they were full of filth.

"La tjeeseny," I said through clenched teeth with a shaky voice.

"Monya shda3wa ana many 3adootich," she stated.

"Bass!! lata7achaain!!" I shouted in her face.

The amount of hate I carry in my heart for her at this moment is just painful.

I really wish I could pull her heart out with my bare hands; I wouldn't even blink.

"Monya!! lat9arkheen 3ala el bint!" My dad scolded.

I looked at him in shock. I walked up to him with my eyebrows furrowed. The person in front of me is not my dad, he couldn’t be.

"Sh-shlon etsawy chthy?" I whispered.

I felt worn out. I can’t handle life anymore. This is just too much for me.

"Shsawait ana? Masawait shay ghala6!" he said.

"A9gghar miny... y-yuba ehya a9gh-ghaar miny!!" I whispered before I fell to the floor, sobbing.

She might not even be half his age. WHAAT THE HELLL!!!!!

"Ahlha ratheen o ehya rathya!" he said sternly.

"Age is just a number ya Monya," Lulu said as she hugged my dad from the said.

EW EWW EWWWWWWW.

I covered my eyes with my hand and quickly turned around.

"Betsakinha 3indaa??" I shouted.

"Ee elmara taskin eb bait rayelha," my dad said.

"Ay rayel?" Saad said as he hurried into the living room.

His mouth shaped a large "O" when he saw Lulu and my dad hugging.

"Sh-sh9ayer?" he asked in a mere whisper.

"Ana o Lulu tzawajna, o etha mu 3ajbkum kaho elbab o hnak doorkum, maby asma3 t7l6um!" My dad informed.

I looked at Saad to see him looking at me. The color drained from his face. It was obvious he was barely breathing. The girl he loved is in the hands of another man. Not just any man, its his father. Ahh it kills.

He started shaking with anger, his face became red and his eyes grew so wide, I swear they could almost fall out of their sockets.

"SHNUUUUU??? YUBAA MIN9IJIIK???? META 9AAR KIL HATHA? LAAISH YUBA LAISHH??" he shouted out random words.

"Lat9ariikh!! ana many yahil 3ndik e7shmny ana ubook!!" my dad yelled back.

That b*tch was looking at everything with the nastiest smile on her face. You want to play nasty? I'll show you nasty, b****.

"SHLOOOON MATABEENYY A9AREKHH SHLOON??? ENTAA KHALAIT FEEHA 7ASHEEMA MAKHITH WA7DA A9GHAAR MINY!! YUBAA ENT MSTAW3B ENT SHSAWAAIT???" Saad shouted. He was moving all over the place. His hands flew in all directions as he talked.

Who can blame him?

"ETHA MARA7 ETA2ADAAB O T7TRMNYY, BAITYY YIT3ATHIRIK, FAAHIM???" My dad shouted so loud, the floors shook.

Saad's nostrils flared. He gave Lulu the creepiest look, and charged out of the house, slamming the door on his way out.

The house grew quiet.

My dad sat on the couch with his face resting on his hands. Lulu leaned on the wall looking at her feet. I was looking at Lulu, planning her murder wont be so hard.

I walked up to her and stood in front of her. She raised her eyebrows in question.

I raised my hands and slapped her with all my might. The toppled to the ground with a deafening scream.

I bent down and started pulling her hair and kicking her in the stomach.

My dad jumped out of the couch and pulled me away from her joining both my hands in my back.

"WAAKHERRR 3ANYYYYY!! HIDNYYYYYY," I shouted as I tried to pull away from my fathers grip.

"ENTAAY YAANAITAAY??" he shouted while tightening his grip around my hands.

Lulu was on the floor shouting and crying in agony. She cursed me with every curse word there is.

My dad dragged me to the front door.

"Roo7aay bait yadiich, latg3deen hnyy," he whispered in my ear.

"SHNUUUUU??? TA6RIDNYY MIN EL BAAIT 3ASHAAN HAL CHALBAA?? LATINSAAA ENYY BINTIIK!!" I shouted.

"E7tarmaay nafsich ya Monya, and mo mrabeech 3ala li9raakh, yalla ro7ay bait yadich o ana atfaham ma3ach b3daain!!" he said before he pushed me out of the house.

I collapsed to my knees sobbing and screaming. I don’t care if our neighbors heard my cries or even saw me in this devastating state. I don’t care if my dad hates me because I attacked Lulu. I don’t care if Msa3ad hates my family and I after what my dad had done. I just want to die. I want my soul to leave my body and go to where ever my mother is.

I want to assure her that my dad didn’t do what he did because he hates her. No. It’s just that life can be so cruel sometimes. I want to tell her that she was never forgotten, not for one passing second. I want to cry in her arms and hear her voice telling me that everything will be ok.

I don’t want anything from this world; I just want to leave it. God please.

I heard footsteps on the floor; it was Saad. He looked like he had just seen a ghost.

Hah, I'd rather see a ghost than what I just saw.

Staghferallah Staghferallah, Yaraby ajerny fe mu9eebaty wa ekhlfny khayran minha.

"Monya," he whispered, his voice croaked.

He sat on the stair next to me.

"Sh-shlon?" He asked staring off into space.

I moved closer to him and hugged him. I wept into his chest.

"Laish?" he asked.

He pulled my chin up so that I faced him.

"Laish Lulu, laish????" he said as a tear ran down his cheek.

He breathed heavily, and then covered his eyes with his hand.

I rested his face on my chest and ran my hand through his hair, while he shook in my arms.

"Ta3awath min blees 7abeeby hathy kitbat rabik," I whispered.

Saad regained his focus and stopped crying. He laid down and placed his head on my lap and looked up at the stars.

"Galatly enha t7bny.." he said.

I just looked at him, confused.

"Galat ena etha kha6abt'ha rasmy eb tertha.." he continued. "Same3atny a7la kaalam, o kan widy atkharaj elyom gabl bacher 3ashan akh6bha."

"Kint asolf ma3aha lama tzorna wintay mawjoda, witgoly bs Saad ana ma3ndy hal suwalif o tkhaleeny a6la3 min el bait witgoly ana bg3ad an6r Monya lama trid."

"3ugub fatra, eglbat 3aay faj2a. Chan tgoly magdar aklmik ana en-enkha6abt," he said as is voice started to shake from the tears.

He sat up straight and looked at me, his eyes full of anger.

"Makint adry enna elly kha6ibha, uhwa uboyy," he shouted. "Oboyyy ya Monya oboyyyyyyy!!!!!!"

I looked at my lap as the tears flooded my face. I wish I can make you unsee this, Saad, I swear I do.

----------

Dr. Manar, for once, was speechless. She just looked at me with a shocked expression plastered on her face.

I started squirming in my seat; I wanted her to say something.

"Magdart at7amal akther, elly sawa uboy feena mo shwaya, fa chthy glt lazim agool 7g a7ad 3an elly 9arly, o mo ay a7ad kint aby shakh9 ygdar esa3dnyy, fa yetlich," I said.

"Mo zain ashoof Lulu jidamy!!! Cham sarlaha hal salfa?" she asked.

"Taghreeban thalath tash'hur," I said.

"Ahh o ehya sakna eb baitkum al7een?" She asked.

"La, uboy khathaha o ra7 Amreeka, lana la ana wala khwany rithaina enna naskin blbait ma3ahum," I said.

"Ahh walla 7aratny allah lay wafijha!!" Dr. Manar said.

"Ee walla, 9ali7 o 3omar lama daraw enharaw ba3ad kilish matiwaqi3aw!" I said.

"Eee akeed mnu ebytwaqa3 hal shay! Bs entay lazim matfakreen eb hal mawthoo3. 9ij ena uhwa shay efarfit el galb, bs lazim matfakreen bl salbeyat o trakzeen 3al ejabeyat. 3ala 6ary el ejabeyat, sh9ar 3ala msa3ad?" she asked.

"Aahh Msa3aad," I said.

--------

After what happened, I stayed in bed all the time, which means I didn’t go to work. Msa3ad kept calling me but I really didn’t feel like talking to him. All I did was text him that I had circumstances and that I wasn’t in the mood.

Life was so depressing, I wanted to kill myself, but I didn’t.

Instead I kept praying and reading qur2an. It made me feel so much better, but once my mind starts to wander, the depression sinks its teeth into my heart again.

Over thinking was killing me, and that’s all I did for almost a week.

One day Msa3ad called, so I decided to answer.

"Aloo, Monya shfeech allah yhadach!??" He asked.

"Mafeeny shayy," I said.

"Wallah ga3id a7ateech 9arlich sbo3 mo mdawma, tukfa goleely shfeech!" he said.

"Msa3ad pleasee.." I said, my voice shaking from the tears.

"Monya, ta3alay el maktaab al7een," he said.

It was 6 pm.

"La msa3ad," I said.

"Yallaa ana na6rich ma3a elsalama," he said before hanging up.

I contemplated whether I should go, or just stay under my covers. I really needed some fresh air, and I needed to see Msa3ad.

I got up, changed and headed to the office.

I entered Msa3ad's office.

"Hallaa wallaaa hala bilzaaain," Msa3ad greeted.

I just sat down and stared at my lap. He came and sat next to me.

"Monya tkfa goleely shfeech tarach mo 3ala ba3thich hal ayam," he said.

I broke down in tears. Should I tell him?

"Affa Monyaa tabcheen wana mawjood? 7abeebty goleely shmthaygich??" he whispered.

"Oboyy," I said resting my face in my hands.

He paused for a second.

"Shfeee ubooch?" he asked, panicked.

"T-tzawaj," I said.

I can almost hear him breath a sigh of relief.

"Uhh m-mta?" he asked.

"Lisbo3 *sniff* elly 6af," I said in between my sobs.

"Monya, ymkin 7as blwi7da o gal yaby a7ad ma3a. Tara uboch kubar o y7taaj wa7da dayman ma3a," Msa3ad said in a comfortimg voice.

I turned to him with a tear stricken-face. "Msa3ad, makhth wa7da a9ghar minny!!" I said.

He looked at me, surprised. He lowered his head and stared at his lap.

"Akeed 6i7na min 3ainik," I whispered. "Walla malomik etha karahtnyy --

"Shhh," he whispered in my ear. He placed his thumb under my eye to wipe my tears. Then he pulled my head closer to him and rested it on his chest.

I would have moved, but I really needed that half hug. I know it’s not an excuse.

"Shloon etgoleen hal kalam, matadreen shkither ma3azitich eb galby?" he asked.

I just sobbed in his arms.

He rested his head on my head and said..

 لا لا تكدر خاطرك يا أغلى غالي لا لا تزيد الهم ولايضيق صدرك تبقى حبيبي دوم أول وتالي اسكن بقلبي حسّ ماغيرك أحدٍ راق جَوّه وصفالي تَكْفى حبيبي حكيّهم لايغرك يا دنيتي ياحلمي يا راس مالي

أنا وكل كلي ترى تحت أمرك وشلون قدرك