Six.

A Walk Down Memory Lane..6

"Umyy... 7abeebty umyy," I said between my sobs. "Walla akthar shay nadmana 3alaih uhwa elly sawaita fehha."

I covered my face with my hands and sobbed silently. I remembered the fights we had, the things I said to her that made her run away from me as if not wanting to believe that her daughter turned out to be this way.

I'm sorry, mama. I love you so much that it hurts. I miss you, too and I just wish I could tell you that.

Dr. Manar handed me tissues and tried to calm me down.

"6al3ay elly eb galbich, talking about it helps," she said.

___________________

"Iff aby arid el bait," I muttered.

9ali7 gave me a death stare and probably cursed me under his breath.

"Ha yuma sh7asa fee al7een??" he asked.

"el7imdla," my mother's voice was barely a whisper.

She has been in the hospital for four days. Her sight broke my heart into a million tiny pieces but I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I tried my best not to look at her to avoid a melt down. She laid on the hospital bed looking lifeless. Her skin was white and her lips were pale. Her hands were boney and pale too. All kinds of machines were attached to her body; it was heartbreaking.

"7abeby khalna ana wikhtik bro7na," she said as her voice croaked.

"Enshallah yuma," 9ali7 shot me a look before leaving the room.

She looked at me and gestured for me to come closer. She enveloped my hand with her cold boney fingers, I looked down at her hand as a tear slipped down my cheek.

"Manawy 7abeebty, ana madry entay shyayich 3alaina taghyartay manty Monya elly a3arefha. Bs 6alabtich wana omich abeech tro7een ma3a ukhoch bt3arfeen wain. Bs 3ashany sm3ay el kalam o latnajreena," she said as the tears streamed down her face.

I didn’t know what to do, I just looked at her and nodded. I wiped my tears before leaving the room.

"Yala namshy?" 9ali7 asked.

I nodded.

**

We walked into what looked like a doctor’s office. Why would my mother send me to a doctor’s office?

A long hall stretched in front of us, the walls were white with papers taped on them. It looked so depressing. 9ali7 walked In front of me and ordered me to follow. He walked into one of the rooms..

"Esalamu 3alaykum, Dr. Rashid mawjood?" he asked the secretary.

I wish I knew what was going on.

"Aywa 3induku maw3ed?" she asked.

"Ee eb esim Monya AlX," 9ali7 said.

I stood next to him and whispered "shisalfa??"

"Al7een et3arfeen," he said coldly.

"Goly al7een!" I said.

"Monya dshay latkhaleeny a9arikh!!" he said between clenched teeth.

He grabbed my shoulder and pulled me into the doctor’s room.

"Esalaaam 9ali7 shlonik?" the doctor greeted. "Hala Monya tifathilay g3day"

9ali7 pushed me slowly and seated me on the chair. I was so confused.

"Hala feek diktor Rashid shakhbarik?" 9ali7 asked.

"Walla bkhair el7imdla," Dr. Rashid said.

I tried reading the certificates that were hung on the wall but with no luck.

"Yala ana asta2thin," 9ali7 looked at me and said "Etha khalastay digay 3alay"

WHAT???

"Diktor shisalfa? laish yayibny hny tara madry magaly," I freaked out as soon as 9ali7 closed the door.

"Lat7ateen Monya you're in good hands, 9ali7 galy ennich mtghayra hal cham yom 3ala ahalich o mu rthya tgolelihum shisalfa fa ana dory enny asa3dech titkha6ain el mushkila elly entay feeha," he said with a smile.

SSHHNUUUU?????

My eyes almost popped out of their sockets, "shnuuu??? abaaih ana mafeeny ella el3afya shaku eyebony bdoon laygoolly!!!"

I quickly stood up and headed to the door.

"La7tha Monya la6l3een!" Dr. 9ali7 called after me.

I stormed out of the office with rage boiling inside of me. How could they take me to a psychiatrist without letting me know? I can’t believe how stupid I was!

I quickly walked to the elevator to find 9ali7 leaning on the wall. I sooo hate him right now!

"Ha! entay shem6al3ich?" he asked, confused.

"Monya allah yhadach shfeech?" Dr. Rashid asked as he reached us.

"Ridny elbait al7een!!" I shouted at 9ali7.

"Monya hadayy--

"Mabyy!!! Al7eeen 6ali3nyy mim hnyyy al7eeen!!" I shouted. I felt like I was out of air. I don’t know why I was so depressed at that moment.

"Enzain khalas haday!!" 9ali7 said as he followed me into the elevator.

We kept fighting all the way home. I hated everyone at that moment. I knew I was having problems with myself, but deep down I wished that no one would care. Now they're taking me to doctors like I'm madwoman!!

At night Zaid and I started texting each other like we always did since the shalaih.

Zaid: Yallaa aby arid el Kuwait washofich!!

Me: e3gil ya walad!! Wain Rawan?

Zaid: Madry

Me: Haw shlon matadryy??:0 

Zaid: ana ga3id eb café wihy ga3da t7oos titsawag

Me: aha mta btrdoon?

Zaid: 3ugub bacher enshallah

Me: yalla mabuga shay :p

Zaid: 3ad abeech tzoreeny ha? :p

Me: LOL shnawy 3alay?

Zaid: shda3wa ba3ad wild khalich!!

Me:  ee wild khaly mo rfeejty 3ashan azoorik o a6la3 ma3ak!!:p

I really wanted to tell him about everything I was going through but I was always scared he’d think I’m a lunatic.

______________

“A7is eb ra7a lama akalim Zaid madry laish o bnafs ewagt a7is eb ta2neeb el thameer!! Bs kint agool enna elly Rawan sawita feeny mo shwaya fa kaifha tistahil,” I said.

“Ya3ny kan fe mashakil bainha o baina o uhma msafreen?” Dr. Manar asked.

“Kan egooly enna ehya kila mnafsa o malha khilga o yt7al6am,”  I said.

“Enzain chan radaw 3ayal etha wala wa7id 3ajba el wath3,” she asked.

“Eee bs athker kan egooly enna etha bnrid abchar el kil byis2al laish o ma laish o malna khilg hal as2ela, o foug hatha makamilaw safrat’hum radaw lana 9arat salfa..” I said as the memory came to life in my head.

_______________

Zaid called me the night he got back from his so called “honeymoon”..

“Aloo,” I said.

“Hala wghala, shloonich Monya?” he asked.

“Bkhair el7imdila enta shlonik?” I said a bit shy to talk to him on the phone; it’s been a long time.

“Bkhair damich bkhair, Monya aby ashofich tharoory bagolich shay mayinfa3 hny,” he said.

“Umm, madry shagolik,” I said confused.

“Golay tam,” he chuckled.

“La7tha wain Rawan?” I asked.

“Wintay kil makalamtich gilteely wain Rawan?”

“Haha la min9ijy wainha?” I urged.

“Ra7at bait ahalha,” he said coldly.

“Wee laish?” I asked.

“Bacher agoolich etha shftich!” he said.

I told him that I’d meet him next week because I really needed time to think things through.

After a few days my mother left the hospital, my father decided to take her to Switzerland 3ashan etghayer jaw so Saad and Omar decided to tag along. So it was just me and 9ali7, oh joy. :)

The house was finally empty for me to sit in our living room and just think. I feel like I feel into a deep whole and its just so hard to get out. I ruined my relationship between my family and I now it’s so hard to fix. I wish I could take it all back and just delete everything that happened in the past few weeks. I don’t know what I turned into and -----

"Monya?" someone called behind me.

I turned around and guess who was standing there?

“Rawan?” I asked in disbelief.

She walked over to me with tears streaming down her face, “Monya.. Aby agoolich shay.”

I took a step backward.

“Monya *sniff* wallah asfaa!! Adry elly sawaita feech mo shwaya I hope you find it in your heart and forgive me,” she said before she broke down in tears.

As I looked at her all kinds of emotions swam around my heart. My brain, on the other hand, decided that this was the perfect time for it to stop working. I had no idea what to do or say. Should I kick her out of the house for everything she had done to me? Or should I take her into my arms for the sake of the friendship between us?