Eleven.

A Walk Down Memory Lane..11

The next few months passed by in a blur. Everyday was the same as yesterday, I sleep eat sleep then eat nothing else. The house felt like a black hole. My father was always either in his room or visiting his mother. My brothers were all somewhere but never home. I, on the other hand, decided to glue myself to bed.

I cried, I prayed, I tried to take sleeping pills just to stop the searing pain in my heart, but it was no good. It hurt, it felt like someone was inserting daggers in my heart then remove them slowly.

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"O marrat el ayam kanat a93aab ayam 7ayatyyy," I said.

"6ab3an mot el um mu sahel, bs maglteely Rawan mayatlich o Zaid?" She asked.

"Emballa Rawaan yat o kalimatnyy o ham Zaid bs 7agarta o makint aby ashofa a9lan!!" I said in disgust as I remembered his face.

At first I used to think that he was the most beautiful person out there. Yet, when I saw him for what he really is I started seeing his true colors and his ugly personality.

"Shlon radat 3elaqtich ma3a Rawan?" She asked.

"Min el 3aza kanat kila ma3ay o el9ara7a maga9erat. O ba3ad kanat kila tzorny ma3ana makint ag3ad ma3aha bs kint arta7 lama a7is enna a7ad ma3ay.." I said.

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It was five months since my mother’s death. Someone was knocking on my door.

"Monya?" Rawan called from the other end of the door.

"La7tha," I said as I got up to open the door.

I hugged her when I saw her and invited her into the room. She was surprised I can tell, but she tried to hide it with a smile.

"Ha elyom shaklich a7san el7mdla,"she said with a grin.

"Ee walla el7mdla," I said with a straight smile.

"Enzain shrayech n6la3 etghayreen jaw," she asked.

"La la maly khlg 6al3aa," I said.

Our relationship wasn’t back to normal; there was still some awkwardness between us. But she's like a sister to me and I can’t stay mad at her forever; I just cant. Also, she changed a lot since the fight, she’s more mature and sympathetic, let’s hope it stays that way!

"Enzain sm3ayy tara you should apply for a job y3ny laih meta chthy btg3deen Monya?" She asked.

"Hmm walla khosh fkra bs wain aqadem 3ala ay shareka?" I asked.

"Fe wayed sharekat fat7een bab eltaqdeem," She said. She pulled out her phone and started telling me some company names and which one I should apply to. El7imdla I graduated with a high gpa so enshalah atwathaf eb mukan san3.

Rawan told me some funny stories about her friends who just got accepted in different jobs. She finally got me to laugh and joke around with her, and then she suddenly stopped.

"Haw shfeech e6al3eny chthy," I said with a smile.

"I miss this," she said while slowly tearing up, "I miss us, *sniff* walla Monya asfa asfa mat9adgeen shkithr *sniff* mit7asfa 3ala ely sawaita," she said as she burst into tears.

We never really talked about what happened between us; we never sorted things out. As they say time heals all and I'm counting on God and time to help me forget because lets face it she's not the only one who made a mistake.

"Rawan khalas elly 9ar 9ar, lets not talk about it," I said.

She wiped away her tears and smiled.

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"El7mdla kilyoom tit7asan 3elaqty eb Rawan akthar y3ny she helped me a lot in the moving on process," I said with a smile.

"Ashwaa," Dr. Manar said.

"3ad qadamt watheefa o qbaloony eb sharikat Al****** bs 7asafa mo ma3a Rawan lana mafta7aw bab eltaqdeem eb dawamha," I said. "Elqisim elly ashtighil fee, bs fe thintain kwtyen o elbaji multi national."

"Et9adgeen a7san hehe, o shloom ra2ees elqisim? 3ad aham shay uhwa," she said.

"El7imdla ra2esna zaiin bs fe ra2ees thany wayed e7oos 3ndna o shakla chayed!!" I said.

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It was my third day of work; my Lebanese colleague Samar and I were walking down the hall and chatting.

"Laa elshighl 9a3eb awel shy bs 7atit3awady matkhafy," she said.

"Way elyom latshofeen wayhy awal ma we9alt wela alf malaf 3ala my desk lazim akhalishum haha," I said, still getting used to my new life.

We were about to turn into the other hallway when I bumped into someone coming the opposite way. A folder filled with papers fell from his hands and the papers scattered everywhere. I looked up at him, scared.

He was tall with what looked like a fit body. He has strong features with deep black eyes and full lips. He also has a "guful" that bordered his mouth.

"Ughh sorryyy mashftik," I stuttered.

He looked at me with wide eyes filled with.. rage?

"Entay matshofeen??" he said as his nostrils flared.

"Ugh wallla asfa," I said as I bent down to collect the papers.

“Entay shismich o ay qisim??” He asked furiously.

“Uhh,,” for a second there I forgot my name.

“Shfeech mata7achain!!” He shouted.

“Uhh e-esmy Monya AlX, qisim el mu7asaba,” I said.

3affas wayha, “Nathmay 3umrich ha? Tara e7na mu ga3deen eb madrisa!” he shouted.

I was still collecting papers when he said,

"Khaleehum bs ro7ay ro7ay maby ashoficch jedamy," he shouted.

"O-ook," I said as my hands shook. I stood up and continued walking.

"What the hell was that," I whispered to Samar.

"Hayda estaz Msa3ad weldo lamuder eshirka, ma3roof eno 3a9aby o strict kteer," she said.

"Way ekhare3 g6ee3a shdaa3wa chthy 3a9ab," I said as I entered my office.

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"Wee hatha chayed," Dr. Manar exclaimed.

"Eee 7ail e7na ra2esna mashift minna shay lail7een o enshallah mayi6la3 nafsa," I said.

"Enshallah! Enzain ta3alayy maglteely sh9ar 3ala Zaid," she asked.

"Eeh magitlichh salfetaa!" I said getting excited.

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One night my brothers and I decided to have a movie night together. Minziman ma ga3adna ma3a ba3ath o solafna, I really miss them.

We were watching The Amazing Spiderman 2 because they removed it from the cinema and we didn’t feel like going out anyway. We reached the scene where Spiderman’s uncle died so I teared up a little.

"HAHAHA 6a3 hathy," Saad pointed at me and laughed.

"Haha lat7aseseeny enich matadreen ena bemot!!" 9ali7 said.

"Waay ya3ny kaify aby abchyy khaloony," I said.

"Lat9eren drama queen," Omar said.

"Enta el drama queen," I said.

Suddenly he grabbed me from my collar and brought my face closer to his.

"Gad'ha?" he asked with one eyebrow with a side smile.

"La la la haha," I said with a giggle.

"3abaly ba3ad," he said.

"Wala 7ala 7ata elyahal gamaw ehadidoony," I said.

He gave me a death stare, the burst out laughing.

I missed our stupid nights spent together, we just laughed over silly things without feeling weird.

After the movie was over Saad and Omar left for their duwaneya, and 9ali7 came into my room and laid on the couch.

"Khair?? Khalisaw el qanafat bl bait??" I said.

"Walla qanaftich arya7 wa7da, la babog'ha khalas," he said.

"Haha 3ala gutityyy," I said.

"Enzain sm3ayy, ana kint ba7awel ena mafta7 hal mawtho3 bs yakhy theba7ny etafkeer! Monyo entay shkintay etsaween eb shalaih Khalty Maha (Zaid's mom) thak elyoom?" He asked with his serious tone on.

"Way 9ali7 shakhabryy salfa 6weela," I wanted to change the subject I don’t want to open sealed wounds.

"I have all night, yalla ta7achay," he said.

"Daykhaa ba3dain e9er khair," I said.

"Monya ta7achayy," he insisted.

"Ok ok.." and I told him everything from A to Z.

I tried to avoid any eye contact with 9ali7 as I talked, when I finished I allowed myself to look at him.

He looked at me with wide horrified eyes. "Kil hatha 9ar wentay sakta?"

I just nodded.

He suddenly got up and rushed out of my room. I wanted to call out after him bs khft an6ag so I just let him do what he wanted to do.

After a couple hours of tossing and turning in bed my phone started ringing, it was Omar.

"Aloo," I said.

"Ashwa ga3da, Monya tharoory ga3day uboy o ta3alaw el mustashfa," he said in panic.

"Haw ay mustashfa o laish????" I asked. I felt like a brick was dropped on my heart when I heard the word "mostashfa".

"9ali7 sad7eena bil 3enaya o 7alta kha6ra!" he said.