Twenty-seven.

A Walk Down Memory Lane..27

I wasn't able to speak. All that came out of my mouth were whimpers from all the crying. I sealed my eyes shut hoping that if I opened them, all this would be just a dream. Unfortunately, I opened my eyes to see their shocked faces.

I grabbed the pillows on the couch and squeezed them hard while crying my eyes out. I was enraged, sad, shocked, and all these are just understatements to how I really feel. My vision was blurry from all the tears.

"Shfeech Monya?" Lulu asked.

I looked at her with wide eyes. How could she? How?

She walked up to me and placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Laish za3lana?" she asked.

I pushed her hands away like they were full of filth.

"La tjeeseny," I said through clenched teeth with a shaky voice.

"Monya shda3wa ana many 3adootich," she stated.

"Bass!! lata7achaain!!" I shouted in her face.

The amount of hate I carry in my heart for her at this moment is just painful.

I really wish I could pull her heart out with my bare hands; I wouldn't even blink.

"Monya!! lat9arkheen 3ala el bint!" My dad scolded.

I looked at him in shock. I walked up to him with my eyebrows furrowed. The person in front of me is not my dad, he couldn’t be.

"Sh-shlon etsawy chthy?" I whispered.

I felt worn out. I can’t handle life anymore. This is just too much for me.

"Shsawait ana? Masawait shay ghala6!" he said.

"A9gghar miny... y-yuba ehya a9gh-ghaar miny!!" I whispered before I fell to the floor, sobbing.

She might not even be half his age. WHAAT THE HELLL!!!!!

"Ahlha ratheen o ehya rathya!" he said sternly.

"Age is just a number ya Monya," Lulu said as she hugged my dad from the said.

EW EWW EWWWWWWW.

I covered my eyes with my hand and quickly turned around.

"Betsakinha 3indaa??" I shouted.

"Ee elmara taskin eb bait rayelha," my dad said.

"Ay rayel?" Saad said as he hurried into the living room.

His mouth shaped a large "O" when he saw Lulu and my dad hugging.

"Sh-sh9ayer?" he asked in a mere whisper.

"Ana o Lulu tzawajna, o etha mu 3ajbkum kaho elbab o hnak doorkum, maby asma3 t7l6um!" My dad informed.

I looked at Saad to see him looking at me. The color drained from his face. It was obvious he was barely breathing. The girl he loved is in the hands of another man. Not just any man, its his father. Ahh it kills.

He started shaking with anger, his face became red and his eyes grew so wide, I swear they could almost fall out of their sockets.

"SHNUUUUU??? YUBAA MIN9IJIIK???? META 9AAR KIL HATHA? LAAISH YUBA LAISHH??" he shouted out random words.

"Lat9ariikh!! ana many yahil 3ndik e7shmny ana ubook!!" my dad yelled back.

That b*tch was looking at everything with the nastiest smile on her face. You want to play nasty? I'll show you nasty, b****.

"SHLOOOON MATABEENYY A9AREKHH SHLOON??? ENTAA KHALAIT FEEHA 7ASHEEMA MAKHITH WA7DA A9GHAAR MINY!! YUBAA ENT MSTAW3B ENT SHSAWAAIT???" Saad shouted. He was moving all over the place. His hands flew in all directions as he talked.

Who can blame him?

"ETHA MARA7 ETA2ADAAB O T7TRMNYY, BAITYY YIT3ATHIRIK, FAAHIM???" My dad shouted so loud, the floors shook.

Saad's nostrils flared. He gave Lulu the creepiest look, and charged out of the house, slamming the door on his way out.

The house grew quiet.

My dad sat on the couch with his face resting on his hands. Lulu leaned on the wall looking at her feet. I was looking at Lulu, planning her murder wont be so hard.

I walked up to her and stood in front of her. She raised her eyebrows in question.

I raised my hands and slapped her with all my might. The toppled to the ground with a deafening scream.

I bent down and started pulling her hair and kicking her in the stomach.

My dad jumped out of the couch and pulled me away from her joining both my hands in my back.

"WAAKHERRR 3ANYYYYY!! HIDNYYYYYY," I shouted as I tried to pull away from my fathers grip.

"ENTAAY YAANAITAAY??" he shouted while tightening his grip around my hands.

Lulu was on the floor shouting and crying in agony. She cursed me with every curse word there is.

My dad dragged me to the front door.

"Roo7aay bait yadiich, latg3deen hnyy," he whispered in my ear.

"SHNUUUUU??? TA6RIDNYY MIN EL BAAIT 3ASHAAN HAL CHALBAA?? LATINSAAA ENYY BINTIIK!!" I shouted.

"E7tarmaay nafsich ya Monya, and mo mrabeech 3ala li9raakh, yalla ro7ay bait yadich o ana atfaham ma3ach b3daain!!" he said before he pushed me out of the house.

I collapsed to my knees sobbing and screaming. I don’t care if our neighbors heard my cries or even saw me in this devastating state. I don’t care if my dad hates me because I attacked Lulu. I don’t care if Msa3ad hates my family and I after what my dad had done. I just want to die. I want my soul to leave my body and go to where ever my mother is.

I want to assure her that my dad didn’t do what he did because he hates her. No. It’s just that life can be so cruel sometimes. I want to tell her that she was never forgotten, not for one passing second. I want to cry in her arms and hear her voice telling me that everything will be ok.

I don’t want anything from this world; I just want to leave it. God please.

I heard footsteps on the floor; it was Saad. He looked like he had just seen a ghost.

Hah, I'd rather see a ghost than what I just saw.

Staghferallah Staghferallah, Yaraby ajerny fe mu9eebaty wa ekhlfny khayran minha.

"Monya," he whispered, his voice croaked.

He sat on the stair next to me.

"Sh-shlon?" He asked staring off into space.

I moved closer to him and hugged him. I wept into his chest.

"Laish?" he asked.

He pulled my chin up so that I faced him.

"Laish Lulu, laish????" he said as a tear ran down his cheek.

He breathed heavily, and then covered his eyes with his hand.

I rested his face on my chest and ran my hand through his hair, while he shook in my arms.

"Ta3awath min blees 7abeeby hathy kitbat rabik," I whispered.

Saad regained his focus and stopped crying. He laid down and placed his head on my lap and looked up at the stars.

"Galatly enha t7bny.." he said.

I just looked at him, confused.

"Galat ena etha kha6abt'ha rasmy eb tertha.." he continued. "Same3atny a7la kaalam, o kan widy atkharaj elyom gabl bacher 3ashan akh6bha."

"Kint asolf ma3aha lama tzorna wintay mawjoda, witgoly bs Saad ana ma3ndy hal suwalif o tkhaleeny a6la3 min el bait witgoly ana bg3ad an6r Monya lama trid."

"3ugub fatra, eglbat 3aay faj2a. Chan tgoly magdar aklmik ana en-enkha6abt," he said as is voice started to shake from the tears.

He sat up straight and looked at me, his eyes full of anger.

"Makint adry enna elly kha6ibha, uhwa uboyy," he shouted. "Oboyyy ya Monya oboyyyyyyy!!!!!!"

I looked at my lap as the tears flooded my face. I wish I can make you unsee this, Saad, I swear I do.

----------

Dr. Manar, for once, was speechless. She just looked at me with a shocked expression plastered on her face.

I started squirming in my seat; I wanted her to say something.

"Magdart at7amal akther, elly sawa uboy feena mo shwaya, fa chthy glt lazim agool 7g a7ad 3an elly 9arly, o mo ay a7ad kint aby shakh9 ygdar esa3dnyy, fa yetlich," I said.

"Mo zain ashoof Lulu jidamy!!! Cham sarlaha hal salfa?" she asked.

"Taghreeban thalath tash'hur," I said.

"Ahh o ehya sakna eb baitkum al7een?" She asked.

"La, uboy khathaha o ra7 Amreeka, lana la ana wala khwany rithaina enna naskin blbait ma3ahum," I said.

"Ahh walla 7aratny allah lay wafijha!!" Dr. Manar said.

"Ee walla, 9ali7 o 3omar lama daraw enharaw ba3ad kilish matiwaqi3aw!" I said.

"Eee akeed mnu ebytwaqa3 hal shay! Bs entay lazim matfakreen eb hal mawthoo3. 9ij ena uhwa shay efarfit el galb, bs lazim matfakreen bl salbeyat o trakzeen 3al ejabeyat. 3ala 6ary el ejabeyat, sh9ar 3ala msa3ad?" she asked.

"Aahh Msa3aad," I said.

--------

After what happened, I stayed in bed all the time, which means I didn’t go to work. Msa3ad kept calling me but I really didn’t feel like talking to him. All I did was text him that I had circumstances and that I wasn’t in the mood.

Life was so depressing, I wanted to kill myself, but I didn’t.

Instead I kept praying and reading qur2an. It made me feel so much better, but once my mind starts to wander, the depression sinks its teeth into my heart again.

Over thinking was killing me, and that’s all I did for almost a week.

One day Msa3ad called, so I decided to answer.

"Aloo, Monya shfeech allah yhadach!??" He asked.

"Mafeeny shayy," I said.

"Wallah ga3id a7ateech 9arlich sbo3 mo mdawma, tukfa goleely shfeech!" he said.

"Msa3ad pleasee.." I said, my voice shaking from the tears.

"Monya, ta3alay el maktaab al7een," he said.

It was 6 pm.

"La msa3ad," I said.

"Yallaa ana na6rich ma3a elsalama," he said before hanging up.

I contemplated whether I should go, or just stay under my covers. I really needed some fresh air, and I needed to see Msa3ad.

I got up, changed and headed to the office.

I entered Msa3ad's office.

"Hallaa wallaaa hala bilzaaain," Msa3ad greeted.

I just sat down and stared at my lap. He came and sat next to me.

"Monya tkfa goleely shfeech tarach mo 3ala ba3thich hal ayam," he said.

I broke down in tears. Should I tell him?

"Affa Monyaa tabcheen wana mawjood? 7abeebty goleely shmthaygich??" he whispered.

"Oboyy," I said resting my face in my hands.

He paused for a second.

"Shfeee ubooch?" he asked, panicked.

"T-tzawaj," I said.

I can almost hear him breath a sigh of relief.

"Uhh m-mta?" he asked.

"Lisbo3 *sniff* elly 6af," I said in between my sobs.

"Monya, ymkin 7as blwi7da o gal yaby a7ad ma3a. Tara uboch kubar o y7taaj wa7da dayman ma3a," Msa3ad said in a comfortimg voice.

I turned to him with a tear stricken-face. "Msa3ad, makhth wa7da a9ghar minny!!" I said.

He looked at me, surprised. He lowered his head and stared at his lap.

"Akeed 6i7na min 3ainik," I whispered. "Walla malomik etha karahtnyy --

"Shhh," he whispered in my ear. He placed his thumb under my eye to wipe my tears. Then he pulled my head closer to him and rested it on his chest.

I would have moved, but I really needed that half hug. I know it’s not an excuse.

"Shloon etgoleen hal kalam, matadreen shkither ma3azitich eb galby?" he asked.

I just sobbed in his arms.

He rested his head on my head and said..

 لا لا تكدر خاطرك يا أغلى غالي لا لا تزيد الهم ولايضيق صدرك تبقى حبيبي دوم أول وتالي اسكن بقلبي حسّ ماغيرك أحدٍ راق جَوّه وصفالي تَكْفى حبيبي حكيّهم لايغرك يا دنيتي ياحلمي يا راس مالي

أنا وكل كلي ترى تحت أمرك وشلون قدرك