Mit3eb ElGalb 29

Noura's POV: 

I remember I shed a lot of tears. 

I remember my heart was hurting in a way that i have never experienced before.

I honestly thought I might die because it was aching so bad.

I vaguely remember shouting and screaming but all that came out of my mouth were mere whimpers. 

In my head was a maze of thoughts and what if's ..

A dark forest of sadness and regret..

A vast ocean of tears.

I remember I hated myself..

I hated everyone..

I can still feel a sting in my heart when I remember waking up to see my mother and sister crying.

Even Mit3eb shed a few tears.

I remember waking up in shock, why are they crying? Do they think I'm dead?

I wanted to tell them that I was fine and that I'm still alive, but I felt searing pains as soon as I moved my head.

I felt my throat all dry and heavy.

My heart beats accelerated by the second, I wanted to know the reason behind their tears!!

They still hadn't noticed that i was awake, so I tried talking but no sound came out.

Am I dead? Is this what death feels like???

Thankfully, my mother noticed my movements and came rushing to me. A few seconds later they all gathered around me bombarding me with questions.  

My head was about to explode, and I felt a little sick. 

"Shisalfa? Shfekum tabchon?" I managed to whisper to my mother.

She tried sugar coating it..

She tried to make it seem like it was no big deal..

She tried to spill it out quickly hoping I would somehow not hear the horrible news.

But how could I not?

How could I act as if it was a normal occurrence in my life?

How could my heart not break into a million pieces hoping and praying that it was all a dream?

I felt a part of my soul die after I heard that my baby..

The small human that was growing inside of me..

The small person I grew attached to everyday.

My baby had died.

It was a very bad phase in my life that I had stored in a small part in my brain and hid it deep deep waaay deep down. Its a memory I like to think of more like a scene from a movie than my actual life.

I was so horrible, especially to Mit3eb.  I don't know why but I hated him, as if this was his fault.

Later, I realized what was obvious from the beginning. 

Of course its not his fault, hathy kitbat raby o enshalla y3awethna bedal el yahel 3asher.

Now I feel like he hates me because I've been treating him so bad.. Mayinlam el9araa7a..

Kint kela mnaafsa o wayed aroo7 3ind umy.. 

Awal shay kan ejamel we7awel elaa6if eljaw bs ana ma9akht'ha o uhwa gam e3a9ib o mayig3ad blbaait..

I over-reacted, and now the old Mit3eb is back!!

Al7een ga3da a7awel arathyy eb shatta el6uruq bs maku fayda!!

Yoom min el ayam ga3adt ma3a Mit3eb..

"Mit3eb, 7abeeby, Elyom ahalik bero7on eshalaaih khanro7 ma3ahum," I said as I moved closer to him on the couch.

"Maly khilg," he said looking at the TV.

"Yalla 3ad Mit3eb shda3wa minzimaan mo ray7een elshaalaih!! O eljaaw mal ba7ar," I said.

"Noura gitlich maly khlg etha btro7en ro7ay ma3ahum!" He breathed.

:(

"Ok 3ala ra7tik," I said as I got off of the couch.

He's so cold!

After a while he came to our room,

"Umy tawha daga tgoly ta3alaw ma3ana eshalaih.. Entay gaylatlaha tkalimny?" He asked angrily.

"Laa! Walla makalamt'ha!!" I said quickly.

He gave me a cold stare and walked away.

Chills ran up and down my spine.

He came back, "Esa3a 4 bamshy lata2akhirain!"

Okk ay awamer thanya?:) iff enarfiz!!!

I started packing our bags, adding our pajamas, bed sheets, bathing suits and all the other things.

7ail astanis asawy list elashya elly ba76hum bljan6a. also, I love crossing out the items as I add them into the bag. I'm sad, I know. :(

7ata wana msawya list o 7alty 7ala eyeely sh3oor eny nasya shayy!!:)

I started going through the stuff and making sure everything is in the bag when Mit3eb stormed into the room.

He widened his eyes when he saw me, "Makahlastaay?!!!"

"Emballaa bas bageely shwaya," I said.

"Ana mo gayilich 3 entay zahba???" He said.

"Laa!! Gtly 4!!" I said.

"Noura!! Ana adryy shnu gilt!! Yallaa bsr3aa khalsaayy ana na6rich ta7at!" He roared.

Staghferallahhh yaraby!!! Many gadra asta7mila!!!!

I quickly changed and called Leen to bring the bags downstairs.

I went downstairs ..

"Wain elaghrath?" Mit3eb asked.

"Ka al7een Leen btyeebhum," I said.

We waited for two minutes..

"Kil hathaa tyeeb laghrath! Wainhum!!" Mit3eb said.

"Madryy 3anha!! Leeeen," I called.

She didn’t answer.

"LEEEN!" Mit3eb bellowed.

"Yesss sir," she said as she hurried to us.

"Waain aghraath??" He asked.

"Shnu aghrath?" She acted clueless.

"Elly gitlich etnazlenhum!" I said.

"Entay maku ygol shay!" She said.

Kalbaaaa:)

"Leeeen latyaanineeeny tawny gaylatlich!!!" I said.

"Roo7ay yebeehum bsr3a e7na bnirkab elsayara," Mit3eb instructed.

"Etnaarfizzz," I muttered under my breath.

"Shgltay?" Mit3eb asked.

"Leen etnarfiz kila mchathbatny," I said as I got into the car.

"A9lan elmafroth mati3tamdain 3alaiha o entay ejablen shghlch bro7ich," he snapped.

Of course :))

We stayed quiet the whole way to the shalaih.

I'm trying my best to make things work but he's not helping at all!!

3ad I had this whole night planned 3ashan shway asa7la o yertha 3alaay..

After everyone went upstairs, I turned to Mit3eb..

“Khanroo7 nig3ad 3al ba7ar..” I suggested.

“Maly khilg baroo7 anam,” he said.

“Mit3eb please!!! Minziman maga3adt ma3ak!!” I begged.

He sighed, “enzain yalla.”

We went outside, took off our slippers and started walking silently by the beach. The salty air tickled the back of my neck and played with the strands of my hair.

The moon was a beautiful round shape that lit up the night sky; it’s reflection swayed beautifully on the calm ocean waves.

The smell of the ocean swam through my nostrils giving me the urge to just forget everything and jump!

I closed the gap between Mit3eb and I and reached for his hand. I tried holding his hand but I think he’s pushing mine away…..

Wow, just wow.

Bs mara7 akhaaleek!! Bamsik eeda gha9ib!!

I reached for his hand again and enveloped mine onto his before he can move them away.

“Walaht 3alaik,” I whispered.

He didn’t reply.

My heartbeats started accelerating, why is he being so cold?

“Shlonik ma3a el dawam? Minziman masolaftly..” I said trying to start a conversation.

“Zain,” he said sternly.

A chill ran up my spine. I’m not sure if it’s from this bitterness or from the moist air. 

The sand tickled my feet as they dove deep into it. The feeling was nice except for the small shells and rocks that got in the way.

“O shloon Nasser o Mohamad rab3ik?” I asked.

“O laish tis2leen 3anhum?” he asked.

“Umm madry awal kint kela tsolif 3anhum o faj2a fachait,” I said.

“Ya3ny wayed ehimich et3arfeen shlonhum?” he snapped.

I stopped walking and turned to him. The words started piling up in my mind and my heart started thudding in my chest. Its like all I can hear now is the rhythm of my heartbeats.

“Way Mit3eb shfeek?” I said.

“Mafeeny shay, yalla khanrid ta3abt,” he said as he continued walking.

I held his arm and turned him towards me, I’m sick of keeping this inside of me all this time.

“Mit3eb goly shfeek!! 7aail mitghayer! 9ayer 7ata matishtihy tshoofny laaaish???” I asked.

“Noura latsaween aflaam mafeny shay!” he said.

“Shoof!! Min meta tkalimny eb hal isloob!!” I said pointing at him.

“Shfee islooby ba3ad?” he asked.

“Ethahir enta mo 7as eb nafsik shloon ga3ed et3amilny!! Mit3eb meta akher marra gilna salfa wa7da 3ala ba3ath’ha min ghair la nit’hawash??? Ana shsawaitlik 3ashan t3amilny chthy???” I said a little too loud.

“Ya3ny matadreen entay shmsawya??? Min tewafa el yahel wintay mi3tafsa 7altich mata7shmeen elly jedamich!” he shouted.

“Ok a3teref enny kint ghal6anaa bas ana marait eb 7izzin!! Elly 9arly mo shwayaa Mit3eb lazim ta3therny!!!” I said.

“La walla??? Ya3ny bs entay elly maraitay eb 7izin? Tara mithel ma elly tewafa wildich tara uho wildy o mithel matiga6a3 galbich marra ana teg6a3 alf marra!! Bs mo ma3nata enny as7aab 3ala el 3alam wely fee!!” he roared.

My head was crowded with thoughts and regrets. The sound of my heartbeats got louder and the thumping in my head continued.

I felt a lump form in my throat and hot fat tears fall down my cheeks.

“Getliik enyy asfaa Mit3eb shnuu tabeeny asawy akthar min chthyy?? O al7een ana ga3da a7awel aratheek warid kilshay nafs gabel bs enta mo mkhaleeny!!!” I said.

“7ilwa hathy mo mkhaleeny!!! Noura mo 3ala kaifich kil ma 9ar lich shay titghayirain 3alaay o ta7gireeny machiny raylich!! 7eta tmur 3alay ayaam madry entayy wainich 7ata matabeen tkalmeeny!!!” he shouted.

I covered my face with my hands and sobbed. I had so many words to say but they don’t want to come out.

A part of me was wishing that this is just a horrible nightmare and that I might wake up any second now.

“O hathy mo awal marra tsaweenha feeny!! 7ata awal ma 7amaltay 3amlatly feeha ana ally aby umy o magdar astaghny 3anhaa o tharbatny bil7ai6 machiny adimy 3indich bil bait!!” he said.

“Mit3eb bs please lat9aarikh!!!” I said between my sobs.

“La ba9arikh!! Mo entay tabeen t3arfeen shfeeny??? Ka ga3ed agoolich!!” he said.

His face turned into different shades of red. I think that if I looked closely I might see fumes coming out of his ears. He was so angry that he was shaking.

“Enzaain khalaa9 Mit3eb ya3ny shinsawyy al7eeen??” I asked. Seriously, what do we do after this fight? How do we get it over with?

“Barid el shalaih,” he said as he turned around.

“La7thaa!!” I shouted as I grabbed his arm and turned him towards me.

“Khalaaaa9 Nouraa rasy m9adi3!!! Tukfain lat7ineeen!!!” he snapped.

A vein on his forehead popped.

“Mo ga3da a7in bs Laih meta o e7na chthy!!!” I said.

Our voices were growing louder and our hearts were beating faster, the air around us was so electric and scary. The ocean that was once so peaceful now looked menacing, like it might envelop us in a huge wave and drag is deep down into its stomach.

“Madry!!” he said.

“Shlon matadry?? E9ara7a ana maby a3eesh chthyy!!! 7ata magdar atfaham ma3ak!!” I said.

He widened his eyes, “ma7ad qa9bich 3ala elshay elly matabeena!!”

“Embalaa!! Enta elly qa9ibny eny a3eesh chthy!! kilshay asawy mo 3ajbik o tkalminy o nafsik eb kashmik!! Bas ta3aabt!! Madry meta eb tit3adal!” I said.

“La wallaa?! Tadreen shloon tray7een nafsich min hal ta3aab?” he shouted.

“La wallaa madrryy!!” I said.

“Noura entaay….. entay 6alig!!!” he shouted.

I don’t think I can feel my legs anymore.