Give fate a chance 33

The plane was a terrible 6 hours. I tried to stop thinking about everything but I couldn’t. Finally, I safely arrived at my house without attempting to kill myself. Dalia’s driver picked us up from the airport and she dropped me at my house. The whole car ride consisted of Dalia convincing me that she should stay at my place just for moral support. All I need right now is some time alone and my mother.

“Yumaa”, I called out as soon as I entered the house.

Leen’s head popped out from the kitchen door.

“She’s not here she go to her priend house”

“ok” I sighed. I didn’t tell her I was coming home; I’ll surprise her I guess.

The minute I switched on my mobile it hasn’t stopped ringing. My dad kept calling me, and Wahab too. They sent me gazillion messages but I refuse to answer.

A part of me wanted to tell my mother about dad.  I can’t seem to get the image of him holding that woman’s hand out of my head. I just don’t want to break her heart! I don’t know how to get it off my chest. My phone vibrated interrupting my thoughts, it was another message from Wahab.

“Lama gilt 7ag uboch 3an kil shay, RIDAAY 3ALAAY AL7EEEN!!”

What? Why did he tell him!! Well, he will find out anyway. My mobile started ringing after a few minutes, and guess what? It was Wahab :)

I answered: aloo

“Lama.. wainich?? Wain r7taay?” Wahab asked in concern.

“radait liKwait” my answer was as cold as the room I’m in.

“SHNU?? METAA??” he started to raise his voice.

“elyom”

“LAMA! Laish magilteelina?” he shouted.

“Bas.”

“LAMA!” I heard my fathers voice on the other end of the phone.

I stayed quiet.

“Lama sim3eeny.. latgoolen 7ag umich, ana arid o atfaham ma3aha” he tried to sound calm.

I didn’t answer.

“7abeebtyy hatha shay bainy o bainha khaleeny ana akalimha ok?” he begged.

“Lama latsaween shay binrid bacher e7na ok?” Wahab stated.

I pulled the phone away from my ear and ended the call. My heartbeats accelerated. I have to tell my mother. What I saw is mind racking I cant stay quiet about it.

I waited for my mother to come back home until I drifted off to sleep on the couch.

.

I opened my eyes the next morning to find myself tucked in bed. I shot up and ran to the bathroom washed quickly then ran to my mother’s room.

“el7imdla 3asalaaama,” my mother grinned as she stood up to hug me.

I ran into her arms and all the tears that were once stacked up came falling down.

“haaw shfeech Lama?,” she asked in concern.

“y-yumaa a3aref sh-shay *sniff* madry shloon agolich,” I breathed the words out as I sobbed.

“shisalfaa? Awal shay hadaay 7abeebty latabcheen fahmeeny shisalfa?,” she tried.

I took deep breaths and tried to calm myself down.

“uboyy..,”

“shfee????,” my mother’s eyes widened.

“mi-mitzawij,” I forced the words out of my mouth.

She pulled me inside the room and hissed: “SHHHH”

She closed the door and sat on the bed and gestured for me to sit next to her.

“shadarachh???,” she asked through clenched teeth.

“sh-shift’hum..,” I whispered.

“yadry ennich shftyy??,”

“eee..,”

She lowered her head and covered it with her hands. My eyebrows furrowed, shisafla?

“yuma shfeech?,” I asked in confusion.

She sighed and faced me.

“adry.. 3an ubooch,”

“SHNU??,” I almost shouted.

“ga9raay 7issich! Uhwa ma yadry ena ana adry..,” she confessed.

“SHNU?,” I asked again, I can’t believe this.

“adry minzimaan.. bs kint an6era egooly. O ma galy. 9arly 12 sina an6er o lay yomich magaly,” a tear slid down her cheek.

“12 SINAA??????????,” I jumped off the bed. My heart thudded in my chest.

Twelve years? TWELVE DAMN YEARS? And I just found out????

“Lama lat9arkheeen hadaay.. adry ena shay ya9dim!” she pulled me back to the bed. “awal ma darait 3a9abt o za3alt o bichait o kil ma aby agoola atradad madry laish. Bs shift enna mu3amlta ma3ay mataghayart o kan edalilny o edalilich o hatha aham shay! Fa gilt askit o asawy nafsy chiny ma darait wala eny ashatit el 3ayla!”

“B-bas yumaa sh-shlon? LAISH?,” I stuttered. I don’t know what to say. My mind blanked out. Now, it decides to take a break from thinking. :)

“Bs al7een etha galyy lazim asawy nafsy enny mitfaj2a o za3lana o asawy kil elly sawaita min 12 sina lama darait..,” she lowered her head. “akeed lama eyee begooly, akeed”

“3indihum 3yal?,” I asked hoping the answer is NO.

“Bint o walad” she said fighting back her tears.

Oh no. No no just NO!! I started crying all over again. What if he loves them more then he loves me? What if he loves her more than he loves mom? NOOO!! I want to reach into my brain and tear these thoughts off and throw them out.

“Khala9 bs chinich magilteely latyeebnla 6ary etha rad,” she instructed.

“Umm uhwa galy enna magoolich.. bs 7asait enna lazim agoolich! Makint adry enich tadreen,” I said.

“ee khala9 bs sakray elmawthoo3 o khaly bainy o baina,” she stated.

“ok..”

.

Ok so my dad married my mother, and then they had me. Later, my dad decides that one family is not enough then he runs off and marries some other woman. They have kids and live happily for twelve effing years. My mother secretly knows about my father’s secret marriage but decides to stay quiet. Finally, I come in the picture. I find out by seeing them in London, holding hands :)

I know that life’s not fair and all, but this? This is too much for me to handle.

How could my father marry someone and lie about it for twelve years?

How could my mother sleep next to him every night acting like none of this ever happened?

How should I accept this with an open heart?

How? :’(

The doorbell rang, and Leen rushed to open the door. My mother and I were sitting quietly in the living room. Thinking about the same question, “what now?”.

“Ya ahl el bait” my dad called out.

My heart made a double flip. A part of me wants to confront him and a part of me doesn’t want to see him.

“halaa Barrak el7imdila 3al salama” my mother said as she got up from the couch.

“la7tha.. Khalda libsay 7jabich. Abdulwahab 3ind el bab.” My dad said as he looked at me.

When I heard Wahab’s name I wanted to run over and hug him, but then my dad will slaughter me. My mother ran upstairs to her room to change. My dad and Abdulwahab walked to the living room.

“Lama, laykoon gilteelaha??” my father asked.

I just shook my head.

My mother came back.

“hala Barrak” she said as she walked over to him and hugged him. I don’t know how she does it, act as if everything is fine.

 She turned to Wahab and smiled “ha Wahab zayirna elyoom, shlonik?”

“el7imdila bkhair khalty, entay shakhbarich?” he asked as he shook my mother’s hand.

How do they know each other???? Wahab looked at me, then flashed me a smile. As if on cue, my heart thudded in my chest and the butterflies in my stomach started fluttering.

“Lama, Wahab gi3daw ana o Khalda bingolikum shay..” my dad said as he pointed at the couch behind us.